


Shadows Without Light

by fromneptune



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Sex, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, Skiing, also there is swearing, its in the end tho lol, very very light yamayachi and kurotsuki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-10 11:22:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6982651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromneptune/pseuds/fromneptune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama dislikes the notion of love. When he's kicked out of his room by his roommate, he's forced to find another room to sleep in for the night, and there he meets a heartbroken boy named Hinata who wants to find love again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to the End

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I'm trying to do with this fic, I just had some good ideas and needed a plot to connect them. I actually really love this concept though.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very dysfunctional Hinata meets an even more dysfunctional Kageyama.

The sound of snow falling was not a sound at all. It was the absence of sound, the reality of pure white, and yet still somehow so loud that they could both hear it loud and clear. Or was that sound the beating of their hearts? Kageyama knew what that sounded like.

Painfully so.

"I don't get it! With me, and you, and us, and not knowing what you're thinking. So I'm just going to tell you right here and now. I . . . I'm in love with you! I'm in love with you, and I hate it."

If he knew Hinata was going to say all of this on this trip, he would not have wanted for them to go. He would not have wanted anything, especially since he knew, deep inside, that he did.

He knew he wanted to be with Hinata.

* * *

_[A time before that . . .]_

Kageyama Tobio didn’t like anyone. He didn’t like his parents very much (at first they told him not to go to college because of expenses), he didn’t like his roommate Tsukishima, he didn’t like Tsukishima’s boyfriend Kuroo, and he certainly didn’t like himself. There wasn’t a specific reason for it, it just gradually happened. And while he felt that he should change his way of thinking, he was never motivated enough to do so.

“Kageyama, later tonight, you’re going to have to leave.” Tsukishima said this to him without even looking him in the eyes; he was reading a magazine.

“Why do I have to leave my own room?” he snapped.

“This is _our_ room. And because we’re roommates, sometimes we have to make sacrifices for each other.”

“Bullshit. When have you ever sacrificed anything for me?”

". . . So we’re starting now. Besides, Tetsu is coming. I doubt you want to be in the middle of that. Unless you’re creepier than I thought.”

Kageyama knew he was right. He then complied, because he knew at least three things they would be doing as soon as he left:

  1. Sex
  2. Sex
  3. Cuddling and listening to music—which would lead to all of the above



And he knew he did not want to be a part of any of these things. “So you understand, then?” Tsukishima said to him.

“Yeah. But it got me curious—what’re you like with that guy?”

“With Tetsu? What do you mean? I’m me.”

Kageyama laughed. “That’s hard to believe.”

“Why?”

“Because the normal ‘you’ is kind of an ass.”

“Oh. Well, I like Tetsu. I _don’t_ like you. So there’s a huge difference.”

“Exactly my point.”

“Okay, but I’m still me. You just don’t get to see the side of me with him.”

Kageyama scoffed at Tsukishima’s unwavering confidence. “Then, here’s my next question: do you love him?”

Tsukishima paused, and Kageyama so wanted to see his face, but it was turned to the wall. He and Kuroo had been together for about three years, starting from his freshman year in high school. Kageyama, having gone to high school with them, was surprised anyone could put up with his crude remarks, but then he met the guy. Kuroo seemed almost too right for him.

His back was still turned, facing the wall, but he said, “Why do I have to answer that? Why do you care?”

“I don’t, really. I’m just curious. Because if _you_ can love someone, then there’s probably hope for me.”

“But you hate that sort of thing.”

He truly did. But things could change.

“Still.”

Tsukishima sighed. “You’re so difficult.”

“I am?”

“Yes. Which is why I don’t like you. Now stop talking to me.”

So Kageyama stopped talking to him.

* * *

When Kuroo arrived, it was about seven. As soon as Tsukishima opened the door, and as soon as his eyes saw Kuroo, Kageyama could have sworn he saw something of a smile on Tsukishima’s face. But if it was there, it disappeared just as quickly as it appeared.

There was something else Kageyama saw between them. It was in their eyes, the way they looked at each other. It was as if no one—nothing else existed in that space.

All Kuroo said was “Hey,” but it sounded like he said a lot more. Was that the result of a three-year long relationship?

This all happened in an instant, though, and at the end of that instant Kageyama found himself outside the room with only his orange shorts and black t-shirt. He grumbled to himself, “He could have at least let me take my pillow . . .”

And so his quest to find a room to stay in began. He went to door after door, asking if he could stay the night, and was rejected enough to want to resort to sleeping in the hallway. However, when he reached the last room on the floor, at the very end of the hallway, he felt something was going to change. He had the same feeling whenever he was about to take an exam, because he was never ready.

He knocked on the door, and the one who answered it was a small, quivering boy with long green hair and freckles across his cheeks. He had multiple piercings in his ears. He was hunched over and pale. “You . . . who are you?”

“Um, Kageyama Tobio. I’m all the way down the hall. Can I sleep here for the night?”

“Eh? Why?”

“My roommate’s having a friend over . . .”

“A friend?” The boy frowned, then seemed to understand. “So basically, you got kicked out?” He laughs. “Okay, sure. You can stay.”

“Thanks . . . um, what’s your name?”

“I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi. Welcome to the end of the world. . .”

In the corner of the room, Kageyama saw a short boy with defiant orange hair. He had big brown, somehow sorrow-filled eyes that looked up at him. He didn’t smile or seem upset. He looked as if he was in another world. There was a computer on the bed that was playing _Ring._ This explained Yamaguchi’s paleness and shakiness (though this, he usually was), but it couldn’t explain the ginger-haired boy’s lifelessness.

So Kageyama, in his curiosity, confided in Yamaguchi. “Is he your roommate?”

“Oh, yeah. His name is Hinata Shouyou. He’s kind of in his own world, sorry. Even though I pleaded him not to, he started playing this movie. He’s just been staring at the screen, in a trance or something.”

“Why?”

“I shouldn’t really say this to someone I just met, but . . . he got rejected. He confessed to a long-time friend without actually confessing, and was turned down. I think he expected it, but he’s the type of guy who says hates lying to himself about his feelings. The reality, though, is that there are some things you can’t prepare yourself for, no matter how hard you try.” While he spoke, Yamaguchi seemed to have forgotten he was talking to someone he met only a few minutes ago. “I-I didn’t mean to tell you all that. Sorry.”

“No . . .” Kageyama was actually quite irritated. More so than seeing or talking about love, he disliked seeing people sad over it. This is how he felt when he saw the profile of Hinata’s face watching the screen, and when they made eye contact this feeling only got stronger. He got closer to Hinata.

“Who are you?” Hinata asked.

“Kageyama. I’m sleeping here for the night.”

“Oh. Got kicked out, huh?” He smiled, but he looked like he was going to cry. He looked as if he had cried a lot already.

“Oi. What’s with that face?”

Hinata seemed more aware now. “What face?”

“We just met, but your face making it really obvious that you’re not okay. That face is annoying me.”

“Huh? Does it look like I care?” Hinata turned to Yamaguchi. “Tadashi, just who is this guy?”

“I don’t really know. Look, I’m going to sleep. Have fun.” And so Yamaguchi curled himself under his blankets.

Hinata muttered underneath his breath, “That guy, just what is he trying . . .”

Kageyama went back to the subject. “Was it a girl?”

“What?”

“Was it a girl who rejected you?”

Hinata paused and lowered his head. “A . . . guy. Did Tadashi tell you?”

Kageyama wasn’t too surprised, since his own roommate had a boyfriend. “Yeah.”

“Why would he tell a stranger . . .?”

“Well, I asked.”

Hinata looked like he wanted to talk, and though he didn’t really like Kageyama (he made a horrible first impression), he spoke anyway. “The guy who rejected me, we’ve been friends since elementary school. He’s short like me. He has long black hair, narrow eyes . . . kind of like a cat. He’s really nonchalant and stubborn, but he can be cute.” At this Hinata genuinely smiled, as if he was talking about his boyfriend instead of the guy who broke his heart.

 _His smile is . . ._ Kageyama thought, though for some reason, he couldn’t finish it.

* * *

They were re-watching _Ring_ from the beginning when it hit midnight. Kageyama felt hungry. “Do you have any food?”

“Um, cup ramen. Do you want?”

“Sure.”

Now, they were eating shrimp-flavored ramen in the dark and watching a horror film. But somehow, watching horror strikes up conversations about love.

“Have you ever been in love?” Hinata asked Kageyama.

With what almost sounded like pride, he answered, “No. I don’t like it.”

“Well, too bad. You’re involved with me now. And I . . . don’t like being alone.”

It was this moment where Kageyama realized just what he was getting himself into. He realized that he and this orange kid were polar opposites.

_You know, what’s that thing they say? Opposites attract . . ._

_But that’s just a lie._


	2. Be His Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama makes a bold declaration.

That morning, Kageyama woke up ten minutes before his first class. He had blurry vision and his tongue felt like it was taped to his gums. There was the cup noodles lid within his hair, and the cup itself covering his foot. He groaned as he stretched awake and blinked to regain his vision. He looked around, and at first, was scared because he didn't know where he was. He then remembered. He remembered last night, as he met a mopey orange boy his freckled roommate. Last night, he and Hinata made fun of the movie and laughed about it a lot, but he got mad when Hinata made the assumption that he was afraid of the dark. Then they talked about what they feared. They guessed the things they thought the other would be afraid of.

* * *

Kageyama said, "I bet you're afraid of ghosts."

Hinata turned pale. "Yes . . ." He squinted at Kageyama as if his appearance told him what his fears were. "I think you're afraid of . . . dogs."

"Only small ones."

"The  _small_ ones? Are you sure you don't mean the  _big_ ones?"

"No, small ones. I like big dogs."

"And Tadashi always tells _me_ I'm weird . . ."

Sooner or later, they established that Kageyama was afraid of heights and long insects. Hinata was afraid of becoming an old man.

"Oh, I have a good one," he said as they both were getting sleepy.

"What is it?" Kageyama doubted Hinata had a correct answer, because he was so sure that he didn't have any more fears.

But then, Hinata said the most important one of all: "You're afraid of love."

* * *

Whenever he woke up, Kageyama was crankier than usual and had very wild bedhead. "Great. Now I'm going to be late for astronomy. Is this when you usually wake up, Hinata?"

Hinata also had bedhead, but he had the aura and the energy of a six-year old. Kageyama wasn't sure whether he liked that. "Yeah, actually. Sorry. Tadashi already left, too. He always tries to wake me up but I sleep like a log. But you know, I think we have the same class right now."

"You have astronomy? I don't see you in class." Kageyama was sure he would be able to notice such a buoyant, bright-haired person.

"Well, I don't show up until like ten minutes later. Because I'm sleeping."

Kageyama was amazed at Hinata's ability to be so free-spirited. "And Professor Takeda allows that?" Professor Takeda was a nice man (probably too nice) with always something wise to say.

"Hmm. It's more like he knows I won't slack-off forever."

When they got to class, Kageyama realized that his usual seat by the window was taken, so he settled for a seat next to Hinata in the back. However this orange ball of energy was not the easiest person to sit next to in class. He hummed songs, mainly anime openings, he made paper airplanes and paper cranes, and he sketched drawings in his notebook of Kageyama, Professor Takeda, and a blonde girl sitting in front of them.

Kageyama never had a lot of patience, but as time passed he lost his chances of ever getting it back.

"Heyy," Hinata whispered, "do you have any food in your pockets or something? We didn't stop by the cafeteria on our way here."

At this point Kageyama wanted to throw him out the window, but he also didn't want to become the center of attention.

 

When lunch arrived, Hinata followed him like a dog and its owner. "Why are you following me?" he snapped.

"Aren't we friends?

"What?" he asked, as if the concept was foreign to him.

"Friends."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because we had fun last night."

Kageyama could not deny the fact that last night was the first time in a while that he enjoyed himself. But friendship was a word he was not too familiar with. "Whatever then," he said, because he couldn't say no. No matter how tough and unfriendly he tried to seem, Hinata was like a truth serum.

When they found seats, it wasn't long until Hinata jumped back up. He was staring at someone—a boy with long black hair and cat-like eyes.

Kageyama assumed that person was the one who rejected Hinata. "Is that . . .?"

Without actually answering, Hinata walked over to the boy. They started talking, he smiled (Kageyama was starting to pick up on the fact that he would smile even when that was the last thing he wanted to do), and the boy hugged him.

When he came back, Kageyama stared at him. He looked as if he was going to break out into tears at any moment. So, Kageyama said, "I'll help you."

Hinata looked up at him, as if waking up from a trance. "What?"

"I'll help you get over him." Kageyama wasn't sure about the words that just came out of his mouth or why he even said them. He didn't know what he planned to do by getting involved in this guy's life. He didn't have a plan, but he didn't care, because more so than avoiding others' problems he hated the expression on Hinata's face.

"Why?"

"Why not? Why are you tearing yourself apart for him?"

"What do you know? We've been friends since I learned how to walk. He's not someone I can just 'get over'."

"Alright, then. Be his friend. You can't be his lover, but you can still be his friend."

There was a light now in Hinata's unusually dim eyes. He reached over and strongly pinched Kageyama's nose. "What was that for?!" he shouted.

"That was for saying weird things. Especially since it's stuff you don't even like. You don't look like it, but you're pretty smart."

Kageyama pinched him back. "I'm very smart, dumbass!"

 

The next day they both only had afternoon classes. In fact, they had such similar schedules that it was strange how they'd never met before. "Maybe I couldn't see you because of your height," Kageyama retorted.

Again, Hinata pinched his nose. This was becoming a habit that annoyed Kageyama. "Try saying that again! Aren't you supposed to be making me feel better?"

"About that, why don't we just leave?"

"Leave?"

"Yeah, like, go somewhere."

"That's it?" Hinata sounded disappointed.

Kageyama snapped, "Do you have a better idea?"

"No . . ."

"Alright then." Kageyama stood up and reached out his hand. "Let's go."


	3. You Suck at Them Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata learns that boys with v-shaped hair aren't all that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter when I was supposed to be sleeping...

The only place Kageyama knew close to campus, aside from this small bookstore, was an arcade full of old and forgotten games. It smelled like beer somewhat, and there were people everywhere. Nonetheless, it was one of his favorite places to be (mainly because of this guy named Daichi who went there often, and they talked about meaningless things). He was also the second best player there.

He looked down at Hinata, who was squirming through the entrance. Kageyama could hardly see his body; he simply saw a bob of orange floating above a crowd. So, he grabbed Hinata's hand and they went to a game called  _Phoenix._

"You alive?" Kageyama chortled.

Hinata slowly shifted away from his hand and grumbled, "Of course I'm alive."

The taller, dark-haired boy was slightly confused. He couldn't tell if Hinata didn't like him holding his hand or him overall. He decided to let it slide. "You want to play? We're here for  _you_ , after all."

"I'll try." He played a few rounds before getting frustrated, and instead of quitting, he was the type who kept on going until he got it perfect. Kageyama understood this, because he was like that as well. Still, he couldn't quite get his space ship to move correctly. He began smashing buttons as Kageyama watched, somewhat amused. "Asshole!" Hinata shouted at the game, banging his fists on the controls as he continued failing.

Kageyama noticed that his idea was having the opposite effect. He seemed to be getting angrier instead of getting happier. "Hinata—"

"No! Let me keep trying," the redhead said.

As much as Kageyama wanted to, he knew that in a few seconds they were going to be asked to leave. Again, he took Hinata's hand, immediately calming him down somehow. "Let's go."

So they were about to leave, just as a couple of guys came up to them. They were taller than both Kageyama and Hinata, which meant that they probably should not get into any trouble with them. But of course, the exact opposite happened.

"What do you want?" Hinata snapped. He was already in a bitter mood from losing so many times at that game.

"You bumped into us. Twice," the guy with a pompadour said.

Hinata whispered to Kageyama, "They're asking for a fight. Should we do it?"

The last thing he wanted on this day was to get his ass kicked, because he knew it would be royally kicked.

However his small companion practically ignored his "no" and threw the first kick. Hinata was calculating; he knew the worst spot to kick a boy—but the best spot for getting rid of one.

As the first guy cowered in pain, the other one charged at them. This time he grabbed Kageyama's hand, and they ran for their lives. It was the first time Kageyama didn't really mind someone else holding his hand (actually, it was the second, but that's a story for another time).

"You think we can lose him?" Hinata shouted.

Again, completely disregarding Kageyama's "no," Hinata shrugged it off. "Well, whatever!"

They did end up losing the thug. However they also ended up in a very deserted part of Tokyo.

"Ah, shit. Hinata, do you know where we are?" Kageyama asked.

"Of course not."

The two laughed nervously and exchanged glances. Then Kageyama said what he'd been wanting to say for a while, "Really, what is wrong with you? I tried to do something for you, and _you_ screwed it up!"

Hinata's cheeks flared. "Me? Out of all places, why do you take me to an arcade? I'm not fifteen anymore, I don't play games!"

"Well, you suck at them anyway!"

"I know!"

". . . But why'd you have to nearly get us killed? If you'd just left normally, we wouldn't be lost!" Kageyama shouted.

Hinata fired back, "You don't know me at all! I hate running away from a fight!"

Kageyama was angry. He was angry because Hinata wasn't seeing his point. He was angry because the small sun's volatile nature was getting inside his head and scrambling his mind like eggs. So he lifted Hinata by his collar and said, "You're running away from one right now!"

Then it fell silent, and Hinata’s eyes glossed. His large brown eyes reflected the half-moon and the hidden stars. Now that the heat of the argument was gone, they realized that it was cold.

"You're . . . right," Hinata finally said. "Dammit. You're right. Heartbreak is harder than I thought."

"Okay then. I think there's a ramen shop down there. If you want to go."

"Sure, but before that, I want to tell you something."

"What is it now?"

"I don't like your hands."

If this wasn't the strangest confession Kageyama ever witnessed, then there was no hope for humanity. Hinata said it with a strangely flushed face, too, as if he was confessing something worthwhile. Still, Kageyama was somewhat offended.

"Why don't you like my hands?" he asked, while the inside of him was going,  _Why the hell am I even having this kind of conversation? This idiot . . ._

"They're all clammy and big. It's weird."

Kageyama lost it. This little person was making him go insane. Just what kind of thoughts were processed in Hinata’s brain? "You better run to the shop now, or else I'm going to kill you! Dumbass!"

And so Hinata ran, his ginger hair swimming through the wind and his legs speeding by. Kageyama followed and caught up to him quickly, grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him around.

"I didn't know you could run so fast," he said to him.

Hinata smiled, and somehow, under the soft light of Ukai Ramen, it . . . was nice. "You don't know a lot about me," Hinata replied.

Kageyama was still spaced out for a moment. He felt like he was reliving something he had known before. "Then be your annoying self and tell me while we eat."

The shop owner was a tall man with a muscular build. He had long bleached hair and tanned skin. In his ears were five or six piercings. He may have seemed like your typical gangster, but he was actually very kind.

"So two chicken miso ramen?" he said.

Kageyama nodded, and in a few minutes he and Hinata were devouring the hot noodles.

Hinata began telling him about himself, about how he liked to sketch and how he had a little sister who was the light of his life. He played volleyball with the people in his neighborhood as a hobby. He was bad at English and math and pretty much anything that involved a lot of thinking.

Kageyama said that he played volleyball as a hobby as well. "What position do you play?"

Hinata turned pink. ". . . Middle blocker."

Kageyama burst out laughing. "That makes no sense!"

"Who cares? What about you, anyway?"

"Me? I'm a setter."

Hinata stopped and looked down. That title fit Kageyama almost too well, but it also belonged to another. "He's a setter too."

"Dammit, Hinata. Can you forget about him for one minute? You need to move on."

"I know! I just . . . everything reminds me of him."

"What about me? What about this moment? Do I remind you of him?"

"No, of course not. You're Kageyama."

"Exactly. And you're Hinata. The biggest orange idiot to ever walk the earth."

After a moment of silence, Hinata took another bite of the ramen. "You know, you're not a complete asshat. You're pretty nice."

 _Nice?_ Kageyama was nice? If anything, he was the opposite. He tried to be the opposite. It was like without even trying, Hinata just being there softened him.

It was something he hadn't felt in a long time.


	4. Crows Don't Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An early morning run, and Kageyama meets a mini Hinata.

He didn't know the exact time it was when Hinata showed up at his door. It didn't really matter, because it was still glaringly early and he only had about four hours of sleep. He was grumpy and tired and his hair was a mess, but most importantly, the bouncy redhead in front of him seemed to be the exact opposite. It was the crack of dawn, and he acted like it was the night he was going to lose his virginity.

"Kageyama, Kageyama," he said cheerfully, "Let's go running!"

"No way," Kageyama immediately replied. He was about to slam the door shut, when Hinata stuck his foot in the doorway.

"Put on some running clothes. We're going. Aren't you supposed to help me recover?"

Kageyama scoffed. "How long are you going to use that excuse? . . . I'll go get ready."

Inside, due to the noise, Tsukishima was awake (he was a light sleeper). "What the hell are you doing so early?" he asked him.

"I'm going running with someone. Is that alright with you, Mom?" he mocked.

"Ha. Remind me again, which one of us is actually in a relationship?"

"Maybe, the one who _wants_ to be in one."

"You keep lying to yourself, and it annoys me. You think you're hot shit because you like being single? You and I both know you're just afraid of being the one who gives more than he gets."

Most of the time, the words that came out of Tsukishima’s mouth were insults or taunts or unnecessary comments. But sometimes the words that came out of his mouth were quite honest—and needed listening to. He spoke the truth, and he spoke wisely (though, of course, this part of him disgusted Kageyama). He couldn't tell if he was so right about Kageyama's reasons because they went to high school together (something the both of them tried to avoid talking about to others), or if Tsukishima just liked to be a wisecracking bastard. It was probably both.

"Thanks for the pep talk, Dad," Kageyama said sarcastically.

Tsukishima went back under his covers. "Anytime."

He met Hinata back outside. He frowned at his outfit. "Why's it all black?"

Kageyama had no idea how to answer such a weird question. He liked black. That's all there was to it. But instead he said, "Why's your hair orange?"

This and that we're two very different things under very different circumstances, but Hinata seemed to have understood anyway. "Good point."

They walked to the campus' track field, and started warming up.

"Do you do this normally?" Kageyama asked Hinata.

"Yeah. I did it with Tadashi, until he got tired of it. He left me."

"You're over-exaggerating."

"No, I'm not! He told me he has a crush on this blonde girl he saw on campus and he's been trying to come up with ways to talk to her."

"Why's that a problem? Let him have his moment. Unless, you're jealous that he's interested in someone. And that it could work out for him."

Hinata screamed towards the sky and started running. Kageyama hit the nail on the mark. "Oi, you idiot, you're getting a head start!" he called after him. He started running as well, and quickly caught up to him.

They were about even in speed, or at least that's what Kageyama thought until Hinata was suddenly ahead of him. He was sprinting like the Flash.

"Come and get me!" he shouted to Kageyama.

So that's exactly what he did. He ran after Hinata, and sooner or later he caught up. He was too much in the moment, though, because he was using a lot of force in his legs and it was difficult to stop. He ended up crashing into him as they both fell to the ground. 

He was grabbing Hinata by the shoulders, trying to ignore the fact that the shorter boy was hovering over him. His bright hair ran down his face and neck as he faced the taller boy with wide eyes.

"The hell are you still doing on top of me? You're heavy." He really wasn't, but Kageyama had to end the situation somehow.

"Your eyes . . . they're blue?"

"Yeah. And?"

"No, I just never noticed that before."

"It's not like you have to. We've only known each other for a few weeks, anyway."

"We would be closer if you talked about yourself."

"Ah, just get off me already!"

After eyeing him for a few more seconds, Hinata got off him. He said, "Race you back to the dorms! Whoever gets there last is a virgin forever!"

Kageyama found it annoying how Hinata automatically assumed he was a virgin, because he wasn't. But he didn't correct him.

Having lost, Kageyama was uncharacteristically okay. They were sitting on the steps outside the dorms, and he was just sighing. Hinata realized this, and started interrogating him. "Don't tell me, you're actually not that competitive?"

"Not even close." He was extremely competitive.

Hinata seemed to have figured it out. "Oh, I get it now. So, who's the lucky girl?"

He hated this question. He hated it, not only because Hinata was asking it, but because it forced him to open up some old wounds. And because it wasn't a girl at all. "No one," he muttered.

"Hmm. Fine, then. Hold on, I'll be right back." His eyes followed him into the dorms. After a good ten minutes, he returned. He was holding something small and black. "Here. This was supposed to be for my sister, but it just reminds me of you."

It was a small plush crow keychain. Kageyama couldn't remember the last time he got something from someone so he didn't know how to feel or what he was feeling. He didn't know what to say. But there was something that he wanted to know. "Why does it look angry?"

"Ah, that. I don't know. But this way, it looks more like you, doesn't it?" Hinata said it so happily that Kageyama almost didn't recognize that it was an indirect offense. "Let me see it for a second," he said. He started playing with its wings and said, in a high-pitched voice, "I'm Kageyama. I hate romance. I like to be secretive. I'm so badass."

Kageyama snatched the crow from Hinata and pinched his nose. "Crows don't talk. Dumbass."

* * *

It only took six words to get Kageyama stuck in this situation. "Come with me for a bit," was all Hinata said. The last thing he expected out of it was a three-hour train ride to Miyagi (on the way there they talked about their favorite pro volleyball teams), followed by an abrupt meeting with with Hinata's parents.

He learned that Hinata got his height from his mother, and his hair color from his father. His personality came from the both of them. They were honest, bright and oddly silly. He also learned that it was Natsu's (Hinata's sister) birthday and that they were throwing a surprise party for her. They were in a rush, running errands and such because volleyball practice was almost over for her.

"Her team threw her a party, I bet," his mother mumbled with worry. "What if she doesn't want another party? What do middle school girls want?"

"Mom, it's okay. Natsu will like anything you give her," Hinata reassured.

"Oh, Shouyou, you know she grew her hair out? It's up to her shoulders," his father said, shifting to a lighter atmosphere.

Hinata seemed to be genuinely surprised by this. "She did? She hates long hair! Oh my God, what if it's"—he whispered—" _a boy_."

Kageyama felt oddly placed in the middle of all this. He was literally standing in the middle of the three of them. Hinata's mother wailed, "Ah, someone go get her! I can't stand this! I have to go get the cake . . ."

Hinata turned to Kageyama, who shuddered. He felt it coming. Whatever it was, he felt it coming, and he knew he wouldn't like it. "Why don't you go, Kageyama? You can meet her." For some reason, he was beaming.

"Uh, she doesn't know me. I don't know her."

"That's why you're going to meet her. I think you two will get along. Right, Mom? Dad?"

They both replied, "Sure, why not?"

"But, I mean, your parents just met me . . . how could they trust me with their daughter?" Kageyama was confused. To be trusted to much, and so suddenly . . . and when was the last time he even spoke to a girl?

Hinata's mother answered, "Tobio—can I call you that?"

". . . Sure." He hadn't been called that in a long time.

"Tobio, you're someone our son chose. You're someone he trusts enough to bring here. Shouldn't we do the same? Besides, Shouyou and his father still have to get their presents for her, I'm sure. And I don't want Natsu to stay out late. So, please?"

Kageyama had to say yes.

 

As the sun set, he stood in front of Karasuno Middle School and sighed. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He didn't realize he sighed so much until he heard a tiny, squeaky voice from below him: "You're sighing a lot, old man." As a reflex, he glared at the short girl below him. He noticed she flinched, so he stopped. He immediately knew that the girl was Hinata Natsu. She did in fact have shoulder-length orange hair and round brown eyes. She had long bangs over her forehead. She smiled as he stopped glaring. "You're Kageyama Tobio, right?"

"Yeah."

"I could tell, because of your glare. Shou-nii took a picture of you and sent it to me, with the caption: 'This is my new friend.' Can I call you Tobio-nii?"

"Yeah." When did Hinata take a picture of him?

"Is that all you say? 'Yeah'?"

"No."

"Today is my birthday, you know." They started walking.

"Yeah."

"I know they're having a party for me, which is why I left practice early."

"Oh."

". . . Do you like volleyball?"

"I do."

"That's cool."

At that moment, Kageyama got a text message from Hinata. It read:  _Did you get her?_

He texted back:  _Yeah. We're heading back_

Hinata Boke (the contact name he had him under):  _Cool. How is she?_

Me:  _She's fine. But apparently you took a picture of me?_

Hinata Boke:  _Oh yeahhhh_

Me: _Don't just 'oh yeahhhh'_

Hinata Boke:  _Well I took that in secret. It was the night we met_

Right then, something happened to Kageyama's chest. His lungs, his heart, all of it. Something happened. He couldn't reply after that; he didn't know how to.

Natsu had been looking at him for the past minute, much to his dismay. "Why are you making that face? You look happy," she said.

"Happy? Me? About this? No." Happy? Because Hinata said something so disgustingly romantic? Absolutely not. There was no way. For some reason, he remembered the race the other day. He remembered when Hinata figured out he had lost his virginity he said that the girl he lost it to was lucky. He remembered after that when he gave him the keychain, he said "it reminded me of you." This was bad. Thanks to Hinata's sister, he was remembering things he didn't need to.

"I like you, Tobio-nii. You're weird."

". . . Why am I weird?" It was this moment that Natsu ran past him and smiled at him. He couldn't help but notice that she was illuminating under the sunset, as if she wasn't radiant enough already. Did all of the Hinatas look so blindingly bright underneath light? This was a dangerous thought, though. Because it got him thinking that if they were the bright light, he was the dark shadow underneath them.

She answered the question, "Because you say you're not happy when you really are!" They continued walking, and Natsu realized they were getting closer and closer to their house on the hill. She turned pale. "Help me, Tobio-nii!"

"With what?" he sighed. He was already plenty tired of helping out the Hinata family.

She wailed, "I need to act surprised!"

Kageyama now knew. He now knew the feeling that was bugging him since he met her. Natsu was a mini, female Hinata Shouyou.


	5. Arguing a Little Isn't so Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata develops a new nickname for Kageyama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter introduces two of my favorite children (and mentions one whom I both hate and love dearly).

"HAGEYAMA!"

Hinata said it loud and clear, shamelessly and fearlessly. He said it on the spur of the moment, but he didn't regret it. He even continued, "If you continue thinking like that, all of your hair is going to fall out one day, and you're going to go bald (hage), and I'm going to laugh."

"What did you just say?" Kageyama was holding back quite well for wanting to actually pin Hinata against the wall and pinch his nose so hard it would bleed.

"You heard me."

The reason for this fight lies in a few hours ago, when Kageyama picked Natsu up from school for her party (by the way, she did manage to act surprised). It was the text message from Hinata that said,  _it was the day we met._ It instilled a considerable amount of fear—and happiness, but he decided to acknowledge the fear—inside him. Hinata had asked him, later on in the train station on their way back, why he didn't reply to that message.

"It grossed me out," he said. "It sounded romantic."

Hinata replied, "That wasn't my intention. Man, when are you going to get over yourself?" He said this jokingly, but Kageyama took it seriously.

"When are you going to get the idea that I hate romance?"

Hinata saw where this was going, and decided to say what he wanted to say. "Okay, but, why did you have that sort of misunderstanding, unless you  _do_  think about love and romance and stuff?"

"Why do you want to be with someone, even after getting rejected? I don't get you!"

"I don't get _you_! Why don't you just try to be with someone!"

 _I did try,_ he thought. _I did._

This brings us back to where Hinata called Kageyama a nickname he came up with in the heat of the moment.

"Yeah," said Kageyama grimly as he pinned Hinata against the wall with his arm. He held his collar tightly. "I heard you." All of a sudden, his eyes wandered down at Hinata's lips. Of all things to look at during a fight, he looks at his lips. His stomach felt like it was churning. His vision blurred, and all the irritation he felt from the argument was gone. All that was in his mind was Hinata's confused expression and the paleness of his small lips.

"Hey. Are you okay?" the cause of his physical distress spoke. "Your ears are red."

Kageyama released Hinata and started walking. "Let's just go back."

That night, Kageyama, for the first time, complained to Tsukishima about someone. And at the end of that momentous rant, Tsukishima said, "Wow. For you to be this annoying and complain about someone this much . . . this is really a first."

* * *

In astronomy, Professor Takeda was explaining a group project that would be a large part of their grades. The assignment was "to create your own solar system" in groups of three. He assigned the groups himself, because "college students are indecisive."

The group Kageyama ended up in was the very one he feared. Himself, Hinata, and a girl. The girl was the blonde Yamaguchi had a crush on. Her golden hair was so long that it reached her elbows. She had hazel eyes and a warm disposition. The piercings in her ears led Kageyama to believe they were the reason Yamaguchi liked her, since he had some also. She wrote her name on a piece of paper. "Yachi Hitoka. Just 'Yachi' is fine," she said. Even her voice was warm.

"Okay, Just Yachi," Hinata joked. "I'm Hinata, and that cranky old man is Kageyama."

"You're really asking for a fight, aren't you?" he grumbled.

"Fine by me! Let's continue where we left off, _Hageyama._ "

Kageyama was about to pummel Hinata, when Yachi intervened, "Um . . . do you two always fight like this?"

As soon as they heard her speak, they calmed down and fell silent. It was as if they didn't want to involve her in their petty fight. "I don't know, it just comes naturally," Hinata answered her without really answering her question.

"You know, arguing a little isn't so bad. It actually shows that you care about each other. And then after you fight, your relationship grows stronger," she said. It was strange logic, but Kageyama wondered if she was on to something. He didn't  _not_ care about Hinata. He just hated that ridiculous nickname and what it implied.

The three of them, with a newly formed bond, began brainstorming about what their solar system should consist of (it was a more difficult project than it seemed). Suddenly, after Kageyama had tried to create an orange planet and name it "Boke" but failed, Hinata remembered something. "So, Yachi-san, I have this friend—"

He was interrupted, and rightfully so, by Kageyama who stopped him from ruining everything. He took the matter into his own hands, "Yachi-san. Do you want to check out our dorm after classes?"

". . . Why?"

He had to come up with a good reason, or else his plan wouldn't work. "Um, Hinata has . . . games?" This seemed to work perfectly; her eyes sparkled. His plan was to bring her to Hinata and Yamaguchi's room, and then have the two of them leave after a bit. Hinata caught on, and secretly gave him a dorky thumbs-up.

 

"Let's call it: Operation: Get Tadashi a Girl."

"Why the hell do we have to give it a name?"

They were on the track field, sitting and eating ice cream. They'd just finished implementing Operation: GTaG. They couldn't go back to Kageyama's room because Kuroo was there, so they went and bought a pint of ice cream. But, as they were about to learn, they should  _never_ try to share a pint of ice cream between two people.

When there was only a bite left at the bottom of the carton, at first Kageyama suggested, "We should go get another one."

"But I have no money," Hinata replied. Neither did Kageyama, anymore, since he'd bought the first one. They were in trouble. Neither of them was going to give up that last, sweet, cold bite of vanilla ice cream. And since it was  _them,_ they could easily get into a silly quarrel over it. But this time, Kageyama did the mature thing. He stood up and declared, "I'll race you for it."

And so they ran. Hinata won, as he always did, but by the time they got back to the ice cream, they realized just how stupid they were being. A squirrel was eating it.

". . . Wanna go back?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah," Kageyama answered.

"Just so you know, I was going to let you have it."

"What? Then what was all that for?"

"You paid for it, so duh. I just wanted to run a bit."

This time, in a more playful manner, Kageyama messed up Hinata's already messy hair. "God, I hate you sometimes," he said.

But strangely enough, Hinata smiled.

When they reached Kageyama's room, they saw a large figure standing in front of it with an expression that seemed to be in deep thought. The figure was a man with spiky silver-black hair, thick eyebrows and golden eyes. He was wearing an overly blue sweatsuit.

"Um . . ." Kageyama started, not knowing what exactly to say to such a conspicuous person.

He looked at them and said, "Oh! Which one of you is Kageyama?"

The boy with that name raised his hand, "I am. What do you need?"

Just then, he lowered his eyes and pinched them as if trying to keep himself from crying. "I just . . . I just want my best friend back."

"What . . .?"

"He's in there, making love to your roommate."

 _Ah, Kuroo._ Kageyama looked down at Hinata, who was clearly enjoying every moment of this complicated situation. "So, I guess we have to wait until they're done?" he asked aloud. He was used to this sort of thing. He turned to the unknown third party. "Who are you, anyway?"

He said proudly, "Bokuto. Bokuto Koutarou. Kuroo is my best friend . . . but Tsukki . . ." He turned pale and shouted, "I can't take it anymore!" He started banging on the door loudly.

Kuroo opened the door, and for the first time since Kageyama got to this university, he felt true fear. Hostility and frustration (sexual and emotional) leaked from him at a dangerous rate. "What the hell do you guys think you're doing?"

The situation calmed down after a few minutes. Tsukishima had his headphones on; Kageyama knew he wasn't going to talk to him for the next week after this. Kuroo forced him, Hinata and Bokuto to sit on the floor while he stood above them. He seemed to have figured out Bokuto was the one who was banging on the door. He turned to Hinata. "Who're you? Kageyama's boyfriend or something?"

Kageyama froze. Hinata spoke up in his place, "No! He's . . . he's my rival."

 _Rival?_ thought Kageyama,  _How are we rivals, w_ _hen you beat me at everything I do? When you're always so right?_

"Hmm." Kuroo most likely didn't believe it. He turned to Bokuto, who had been avoiding his gaze up until now. "Koutarou." His expression turned soft. "I'm sorry."

Bokuto stood up and looked at him with watery eyes. "Kuroo . . ."

"I'm sorry I made you feel alone. But, really, Kei is so great—" Tsukishima threw his pillow at his face (the headphones may have been just for show). Kuroo cleared his throat. "Anyway, that grumpy kid may be my boyfriend, but you're my _best friend_. More so than that bastard Oikawa."

". . . Bro!!" Bokuto exclaimed as he jumped into Kuroo's arms.

That night, Kageyama saw something about true friends. They were always _there_.


	6. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama remembers a lost love and celebrates a belated birthday. The two dorks grow closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this chapter early, so I decided to post it. This is basically where things really start to move, and I get into Hina's perspective a little bit. (Kage, I'm sorry for giving you pain)

_"Tobio."_

Kageyama knew that was his name. He'd heard it a million times before. But the voice, the voice that said it was different. It was gentler than his parents, more comforting, more assuring. Kageyama loved that about that voice. He also loved the person attached to that voice.

 _"What are you doing? Hurry up. It's raining."_ The person attached to that voice was two years older than him. He was tall, and too handsome for his own good, with his wavy hair and his brown eyes.

_"I think I lost my umbrella."_

_"Huh? It's fine, we'll just share mine. Come on already."_

That person's smile was another one of his strong points. It wasn't always honest; sometimes it was a lie, a fake. But Kageyama loved those moments when his smile was genuine.

He remembered all the fights they had. All the good, all the bad. He remembered the things that person said.

_"I'll get a little jealous . . ."_

_"You don't like pictures of you? Then, I'll be sure to take a whole bunch when you're not looking."_

_"I told you, I don't want to talk about it."_

_"Honestly, I don't understand why you like me so much. But there's no one else I'd rather be with. Especially not that bastard Kuroo."_

Now he went back to a more specific memory.

_"Ah, future plans after high school. Who cares about that stuff? Why can't I just stay here with you?"_

He sighed. _"You can't. You have to graduate."_

_"Haha, maybe I should just get left back a year . . ."_

He and that person both laughed. _"Seriously, you don't listen, Oikawa-san._ _"_

* * *

Kageyama jerked awake. He noticed he hadn't went to bed; he was still at his desk in front of his papers. He felt a blanket on his back. He looked at Tsukishima, who was still sleeping.  _Did he_ _? No way . . ._

His mind had wandered off to memories of the past; deep memories, at that. He grinded his teeth and nearly snapped his pencil in half. He hated that, all of a sudden, he was thinking about things he'd tried so hard to forget. "Dammit," he muttered.

As if his legs had a mind of their own, he walked to the track field. He didn't know what, or who he was expecting to see there, but when he got there he saw a bubble of orange sitting on the track. "What are you doing here so early?" he asked Hinata, who was unusually downcast.

". . . What about you?"

"I asked you first."

"I asked you second."

"We're not getting anywhere. Just tell me."

Hinata buried his face in his hands. "Last night, all Tadashi could talk about was Yachi-san."

"Oh. Well, you should have expected this when we got them to meet."

"But what if he shuts me out?"

"He could go to you for advice."

"I'm not the best person to go to for dating advice. You should know that."

Kageyama was getting irritated because Hinata wasn't making it easy for him to cheer him up. "So are you just going to sit here and mope while not trying to lose your friend? Remember what happened with Bokuto-san and Kuroo?" Hinata was silent, but it was clear on his face that Kageyama's words got to him. "Come on. Let's get that sorry look off your face."

Their next destination was the indoor volleyball court. Since it was so early, or was empty, and surprisingly unlocked. Kageyama smiled, "You still know what to do?"

Taken aback by his sudden smile, Hinata almost didn't hear him. "Of course!"

They warmed up and practiced their respective positions. "I'm going to toss it to you," Kageyama said.

"What?! I've never even spiked your toss before!"

"There's a first for everything!"

Hinata sucked his teeth. He ran up to the next, and in that instant as Kageyama tossed the ball to him, he felt that doing this with him was something he'd done before. It was _familiar_ , even though it was his first time.

Although he missed hitting it, he had a new motivation and energy. He wasn't so sad anymore. "Again!" he shouted to Kageyama, with a gleam in his eyes.

Kageyama couldn't help but laugh at how simple Hinata was.

 

They showed up to astronomy early, but sweaty and lethargic. Professor Takeda didn't bother asking them what happened. Hinata smiled at Kageyama, and it was a weird smile, because his cheeks were brushed with pink. It may have been from all the exercise, but that wasn't quite what it was. "Why are you smiling like that?"

" . . . Thank you."

If his ears were working properly, Hinata just thanked him. Maybe, for the first time. "For what?"

"You brought me out of my slump."

"Oh."

"I didn't know you were so good at volleyball."

"Ah, well, yeah." Kageyama was uncomfortable with Hinata this way. Complementing him and thanking him. "By the way, are you over that guy yet?"

Hinata paused. Again, he looked at Kageyama and smiled a little more normally. "I think so. Oh, he told me he wants to meet you one day."

"Okay, but . . . Why are you being so weird?"

"How am I being weird?"

"You're all smiley and stuff."

Hinata couldn't understand what he was supposed to get out of that reasoning, but let it slide because it was Kageyama. He said, "You started it. From this morning you were being all nice and it was weird, and then to top it off, you smile like that . . ." This quickly turned into just him mumbling to himself.

This irritated Kageyama, so he pinched his nose. "Speak louder!"

Hinata pinched him back, "You stop being so nice!"

The both of them were simply just not communicating well, and it was worse because it was  _them._ They ended up in a rather simple fight, with hair-pulling and tackling. Professor Takeda and Yachi came in to stop them.

"It's okay, Sensei. I can handle it," she said. She sounded somewhat upset. As Takeda left them to their own problem, Yachi took the boys by their ears and sat them down. "What's wrong with you two? What was that about?"

They didn't want to tell her because if they did, she wouldn't understand why it lead to a fight. So Hinata changed the subject, "How's Tadashi?"

Her mood immediately changed. "Yamaguchi is so sweet. He even walked me to class—no! You two, why did you fight?"

Hinata scoffed at having failed. "Kageyama was being nice and smiling."

Kageyama followed, "And Hinata . . . was being Hinata."

Yachi looked like she was about to explode, but she thought she was too nice and too sensitive to scold them. She did it anyway. They were her friends, and she wanted them to get along, even if they fought  _because_ they were getting along.

* * *

Hinata's birthday was six months ago. It made him six months older than Kageyama. When the latter discovered this, he made it his duty to celebrate it. He himself hadn't gotten a birthday celebration since he was five, so he wanted to make sure Hinata did. It was going to be a surprise, and while wandering a record store he felt more excited than he had in a long time. He couldn't pinpoint why, though, and that frustrated him.

"Do you need help?" a familiar voice asked him from behind.

He turned around and saw Sawamura Daichi, the man who was always at the arcade. "Daichi-san . . . what are you doing here? You weren't following me, right?"

Daichi laughed, "Of course not. This is another place where I relax."

Kageyama was tempted to ask him if he had a job, but he didn't. Suddenly, a silver-haired man from the register said, "Why don't you buy something for once, you freeloader!"

"Suga is always like that . . ." He turned back to Kageyama. "So, what are you looking for?"

"A record, for my friend's birthday." He didn't mention that the birthday was actually six months ago.

"What does your friend like?"

He remembered Hinata talking about it one time, "Aerosmith? I think?"

"Oh, I know the perfect song. Hold on." Daichi left and came back with a record that said on the front: "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." Kageyama wasn't one-hundred percent fluent in English, but he knew what those words meant. However, they reminded him of his parents, and how they missed _everything_.

Nonetheless, he bought it. He bought it for Hinata.

 

"God, Tsukishima, do you have a record player?" Kageyama had everything prepared for the night—except for the thing he needed to play the record. He was all focused on the gift rather than how to get the gift to work.

"You bought a record but you don't have a player? There's a limit to being stupid."

"Do you have one?!"

"No."

"Dammit!" Kageyama's last resort was Hinata himself, so he ran to his room and shouted, "A record player!"

"Do I have one? Yeah," Hinata said, much to his relief. As soon as Hinata handed it to him, he ran off and finished his preparations. He was outside, in front of the dormitory, standing by a bench with a table. It was about eleven, so the sky was dark and the campus was quiet (although people were probably partying). He pulled out his phone and texted Hinata:  _Come down._

Hinata Boke:  _What? Why?_

Me:  _Just come._

So he waited, and when he saw Hinata arrive in his pajamas, he let himself feel happy (despite feeling strange because of Hinata's appearance). He let himself smile as he said, "Happy Birthday."

Hinata noticed his record player, the Aerosmith record, two pints of vanilla ice cream, and two pieces of strawberry shortcake from the cafeteria. "What is all this, Kageyama? My birthday was six months ago."

"I don't know. I just wanted to do it. I wanted to know what a birthday feels like. My parents haven't celebrated my birthday in over ten years."

"Are you serious? That's . . ."

Kageyama took a deep breath. The cool night air wasn't calming his heart down at all; in fact it made him notice how fast it was beating. He exhaled, and saw his breath like fog in the air. "It's fine. But I guess I also wanted to tell you, that even though we always argue, I'm glad that you're here. So, I guess, this is just a 'thank you'." In all honesty, something like this was the last thing he saw himself doing for someone else. He didn't know what motivated him so much to be standing there and professing something so embarrassing. Or maybe he did know, but he could not acknowledge it. Either way, doing this, he felt nice. Even though the last time he opened his heart up it fell and broke into pieces, he thought now that he was starting to pick them up.

Without saying anything, Hinata walked over and put the record in the record player. As the music started to play, he turned to Kageyama and slowly embraced him. He buried his face in the taller boy's shirt. "You . . . you're an idiot. Hageyama. Thank you." As Kageyama awkwardly returned his embrace, he felt his shirt getting wet.

_I could spend my life in this sweet surrender_

_I could stay lost in this moment forever_

_Well, every moment spent with you_

_Is a moment I treasure . . ._

* * *

Storms come and go. Sometimes it takes a day, sometimes it takes an instant. This particular storm, albeit temporary, took two years. It arrived on a Sunday evening, two days after Hinata's birthday celebration, at Ukai Ramen. That's what storms do. They come when everything is supposed to be fine.

Oikawa Tooru was sitting there, eating ramen, when Hinata and Kageyama showed up. Kageyama turned pale, his breath shortened, and his heart sank. He wanted to run away, but he couldn't. He couldn't do anything as Oikawa stared at him with wide eyes.

"Tobio?"

Kageyama said he was never in love. That didn't mean he was telling the truth.


	7. Look, There are Fireflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More than ever before, Kageyama opens up his heart. And it proves to be very worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's chapters like these that make me say to myself, "Make them kiss already!" Lol.

Hinata was upset. He was upset because his friend wouldn't tell him the truth. "Hey, are you listening to me? Who was he?"

Kageyama was speechless. Or rather, he didn't want to speak. No words could describe how he was feeling, much less the person they just met a few minutes ago. They really only talked for a little bit before Kageyama marched off. He didn’t even remember what they said.

"Kageyama!"

He was also annoyed. He was annoyed by Hinata's constant badgering and shouting. So he shouted back, "Don't ask me! I don't know!"

"You idiot! It's like the night you celebrated my birthday never happened! Friends are supposed to tell each other these things!"

Kageyama clicked his tongue. "Fine, then. If you want to know so badly. I'm gay. And that guy you just met, is my ex."

Hinata stopped to process everything Kageyama said. Instead of staying surprised, he got even angrier. "So you lied to me? You said you were never in love."

"Who said I loved him?"

"Don't do that. I can see it in your face. You look like you're about to cry. I, of all people should know."

"Whatever."

"So, what now, Kageyama? Are you over him? Because it doesn't seem like you are."

"I don't know. But still, I just want to be alone. Please."

Hinata sighed. "Fine." He wasn't going to give up.

That night, Kageyama was not fine. Even Tsukishima new something was wrong. "What's wrong with you?" he asked.

Kageyama did not want to talk about it for a second time. ". . . I met him today."

"Um . . . Oikawa?"

"Who else?"

"Just making sure. So what did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You didn't at least kick him in the balls?"

"Nope."

"Damn. I really don't understand you."

"Me either."

And just like that, Kageyama started to drift off to sleep. It wasn't until he woke up again at around midnight that he heard a knocking on the door. His phone buzzed.

Hinata Boke:  _I'm outside your door._

So Kageyama opened the door and saw Hinata Shouyou and for some reason, he felt a whole lot lighter. "Did I wake you up?" he asked.

"Yeah. What do you want?" he said, the opposite of what he felt.

He actually wanted to gently say, "Yeah, but it's okay," with a small smile. He wanted to hug him tightly, because he was small and soft and had a horrible sense of direction.

But he—he didn't have anything anyone would want. And he didn't want anyone. This is what he said to himself for a while, as he pushed away anyone who got close. But Hinata was persistent, and loud, and annoying. So why, why was Kageyama so glad to see him standing right there? Why had he ever asked him to leave him alone?

"I want to help you. Like you helped me," the bright-eyed person in front of him declared.

How exactly did he even help Hinata? All he did was argue with him and compete with him and celebrate his super-belated birthday.

"Just like how you're always there, I'm going to be here."

"What?"

"I'm going to sleep here tonight. I brought cup ramen."

Kageyama felt an increasing sense of dejà vu. He couldn't reject Hinata, not when it was what he needed. They were sitting on his bed waiting for the ramen to grow when Hinata asked, "Do you still not want to talk about it?"

He didn't want to, of course, but he felt he had to. "I was a freshman and he was a senior. All the girls loved him. And he loved them. But me, I looked at him from afar, in and outside the volleyball club. I had feelings for him without knowing him that well. I had him help me with my volleyball skills. The more time we spent together, the more I think he started to realize my feelings, and the more afraid I became. But while I thought he was going to reject me without me having to confess, he just kissed me out of nowhere after practice one day. He told me he liked me, and that he knew I liked him too, but now I think he was just curious of what it was like to date a guy."

Kageyama stopped, because Hinata's foot kicked him in the face. "That's the kind of thinking that will turn you bald! Did he ever say that? Because I doubt you would fall for someone like that. How long were you together?"

"Six months . . ."

"Exactly. You don't stay with someone for that long unless you like them. A lot."

"But what if that person cheated on you?"

Hinata was shocked, "What?! That's what happened?"

"Yeah. It was on the day of his graduation. I saw him kissing a girl. And I yelled at him. A lot. Then we agreed to break up."

"Did he really kiss that girl? Or did she kiss him? I mean, your relationship was a secret." Kageyama didn't say anything; he didn't like where the conversation was going. So Hinata continued, "What if you just screwed everything up?"

"I don't care. It's in the past. I don't have any feelings for him anymore," he concluded.

"But, don't you want the truth? For closure? But I mean, if he really did cheat, then he's a bastard."

"Shit! I don't care!" Kageyama angrily ate the cup ramen.

"Whatever you say. Still, who's going to get your bed?" Hinata said, with noodles hanging from his mouth.

He didn’t know why, but he wanted so badly to just yank them out—using his mouth. He tried to discard the idea, because he was starting to figure out just what was happening to him whenever Hinata was around. He replied after what felt like hours, "You can take it. You helped me, after all."

"See? Talking about it does help. So, I was thinking, why don't we just share the bed?"

Hinata's suggestion was a lot more provocative than it seemed. There sat two guy friends, both gay, both probably, maybe, kind of interested in each other but too stubborn to admit it, and suddenly one of them suggests they share a _bed_.

But since Kageyama wanted to sleep in his own bed and not the floor, he agreed. So they lay on Kageyama's bed, Hinata facing one side and Kageyama facing the other. The latter was feeling too restless now, and couldn't sleep. On the other hand, the redhead opposite him feel asleep right away.

So out of frustration for the fact that Hinata wasn't nervous like him (he didn't know what he expected), he kicked his foot. After a few more kicks, he woke up. "Kageyama? What are you doing?"

"I can't sleep."

"Eh? It's simple. Just rest."

"That's the problem."

"Then, come over to my side. We can share the pillow. And since I'm here, you'll be warmer," Hinata suggested.

At first Kageyama wanted to call him stupid, but he felt it was a nice offer, even though he'd be even closer to the one causing his restlessness.

So he moved over to the other side anyway. Now he was back-to-back with Hinata as they shared one side of the small bed. He was right about it being warmer; was it that wherever he was it was warm? Or was it that Kageyama just always felt the cold?

Almost automatically Hinata fell back asleep. Unconsciously he turned over and faced Kageyama. He wrinkled his nose as he breathed, which Kageyama ended up feeling.

That night, even though he couldn't sleep, he was glad Hinata was there.

 

They were in the cafeteria when Hinata said, "Your birthday is tomorrow?"

"Kind of, yeah." Kageyama was disinterested in the topic, even though secretly he did want to celebrate it.

Hinata mulled over the prospect of throwing him a surprise party, but he knew he didn't like parties or surprises. So he was at a loss. Then he remembered a place he went to with Kozume Kenma, his childhood friend (who rejected him). They'd went there before, when he told him about Kageyama, so he remembered it clearly. He wanted to take him there.

"Kageyama," he announced, "I'm going to take you somewhere. Whether you want to go or not."

On the way there, Kageyama questioned him. "Oi. Where are you taking me? It's too cold for this. It better not be something stupid." He was only saying this because of his restlessness yet again, and that Hinata was unusually silent.

". . . No, I'm just thinking. I don't know if you'll like it," he finally spoke.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because it's not as amazing as what you did for me."

"I'll be the judge of that."

". . . Okay."

And when they arrived, he almost wanted to hit Hinata for thinking that way, because he had never seen such a sight in Tokyo before. They were standing on a bridge over a river, and while it may sound normal, the fact that it was nighttime and that the moon was full made it everything but. The moonlight made their reflections visible in the water as they looked down. It felt as if they were in a different city, in another world. Even though it was winter, it was a serene kind of chilly.

Kageyama must have been making an expression that showed he liked it, since Hinata said, "I'm glad you like it. Is it good enough to be your happiest memory?"

This, he hated admitting, "Maybe."

Hinata was taken by surprise, "Seriously?"

"I don't have many good memories." He did have _some_  good memories. When he was younger, when his father cared more, they played volleyball together. The times he spent with Oikawa for half a year were also special. They just weren't there anymore. He missed those times desperately, which is why he never wanted to fall in love again just to get hurt, just for those happy memories to become simply "back then."

But this day, this hour, this minute—he didn't want this memory to be cast into oblivion, even if something were to mess up their relationship. Because he and Hinata were _friends_.

Hinata said, pulling him out from his own thoughts, "Then, if you don't have many good memories, we'll just make as many as we can. By the way, I'm broke so I couldn't buy any dessert."

"That's fine, idiot."

"You call me idiot way too much."

"So do you."

"Not as much as you do to me."

As he looked at Hinata and as Hinata looked at him, the distance between them got dangerously closer. It all was, to Kageyama's dismay, just so Hinata could say, "Happy nineteenth birthday, Kageyama."

Just then, they saw a head of blonde bouncing toward them. It was Yachi, and she was accompanied by Yamaguchi. "Hey, guys! We brought cake!" she exclaimed.

"You called them?" Kageyama asked him, slowly recovering from the moment.

"No, they just wanted to come. But the more the merrier, right?"

 _Not really,_ he thought. He wanted only Hinata to be there, but he didn't dare to admit this. As he cursed himself for having these thoughts, he saw small green lights flicker and float around him. Hinata exclaimed, "Look! There are fireflies." They lit up the dark sky and gave everything around them color. It was Kageyama's first time seeing fireflies. They were small insects with bright lights that could fly. Sometimes Kageyama wanted to fly.

As he watched the flying creatures, he was reminded of Hinata's smallness and brightness.

For his nineteenth birthday, Kageyama was given expensive headphones from Tsukishima (though Kuroo and Bokuto said they both pitched in the money). He was given a night view of Tokyo, a river and fireflies. He was also given a gift named Hinata.

 _Opposites,_ he thought,  _really_   _can_   _attract_.


	8. The Symptoms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one, I just felt like delving into Hinata's perspective a little bit.

Hinata Shouyou was a pretty average child with a pretty average childhood—aside from his ginger hair and the fact that he fell in love with his _male_ best friend. About that subject, his parents pretty much realized that he was different when he was fifteen, and they told him that they knew, and that no matter what he was still their son.

About the boy he was in love with, Kozume Kenma was an older boy short like him who played video games a bit too much. He was quiet, and that was okay because he was the buffer to Hinata’s noise. Although his silence prevented him from communicating, Hinata often knew what he was going or trying to say. A lot of the time they spoke without really speaking, and Hinata was okay with that.

In elementary school, he often got into fights because there were kids who teased his closeness with Kenma and Kenma’s cat-like eyes. In middle school, they were closer. Hinata loved that closeness, and he didn’t want to destroy it. In high school, he gave Kenma more hints about his feelings, although the latter seemed oblivious and considered it as his personality.

Kenma didn’t get the idea until a while after the start of university, and Hinata started rejecting a few girls and being shy around him. Although he didn’t show it, he was surprised to see Hinata being confessed to, and he realized just how much he had been taking their relationship for granted.

“How long?” he asked Hinata.

“How long what?”

“How long have you had feelings for me?”

Hinata looked as if he had been shot by an arrow. Pale and afraid. “I-I don’t know. Maybe since middle school? I think. H-how did you . . .?”

Kenma frowned. He often did that when he couldn’t express his frustration otherwise. “I can’t believe I took so long to figure it out. Shouyou. Thank you. But I’m sorry. More than anything else, I value you as a friend.”

That was all Hinata needed to hear; the clanging bells of rejection. “I’m sorry” was enough to throw him into the pits of despair.

Since he ended up in those pits, he decided that he might as well stay there for a while. So he bought horror movies and ate only cup ramen. He ordered around Yamaguchi, as well. That was how it was for a while, until _he_ showed up.

Yes, him. Kageyama Tobio.

He arrived out of nowhere, really. It was a normal night of heartbreak and lament, until he showed up at the door and then in Hinata’s face, talking about how he didn't like it.

Hinata was surprised Yamaguchi just filled him in as if they’d known each other for years. Because of that, he and Kageyama got off on a pretty hostile start with a pretty strange exchange of words for a first meeting. It was as if _they’d_ known each other for years.

Later that night, though, it got better. Kageyama was revealed to be a simple, old-fashioned grumpy boy who was afraid of small dogs. He, much to Hinata’s dismay, was also afraid of love. This was the root of many of their arguments. They argued a lot, but they weren’t serious fights, because they seemed to only strengthen their relationship.

Hinata was glad to see Kageyama bond with his sister and parents. And he was glad to have been allowed into his heart a little bit every day. And then, the hurricane to his own heart was the day he saw Kageyama smile for the first time. It also came out of the left field, because previously Hinata didn’t think someone as angry as him was capable of smiling.

Yet, he was, and that triggered everything. Hinata hadn’t even realized that he was letting go of his feelings for Kenma—because his everyday was spent with Kageyama, who was determined to get him to move on. The final push was when Kageyama celebrated his super-belated birthday that night. Every fiber in his mind asked him what the hell was he doing, but he hugged him anyway.

When he found out about Oikawa, he realized he was feeling jealous. But he quickly brushed that aside, because Kageyama was still clearly hurting from the past. First and foremost, before anything, he was his friend.

“Those are all symptoms,” Kenma told him. They were on the bridge over the river, and Hinata had just told all of his feelings to him in hopes of an answer to his problems.

“Symptoms of what?” Hinata asked.

“What else? The symptoms of falling for him. Then again, I don’t know how you are with him so I can’t say for sure.”

“. . . You said before that you want to meet him, right?”

“Sure.”

Hinata knew what Kenma said was right. Every time he thought about that confident smile, or when he saw him in class sleeping with a frown, he thought that his grumpiness was a part of his charm. His chest tightened, and he felt like he wanted to cry. He sighed, “I really do have the symptoms.”


	9. Stay for a Bit Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the year ends, Kageyama and Hinata see each other more, but are blind to other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I finished this chapter early, so here we are. Man, do I really have nothing more productive to do? Anyway, enjoy!

The only downside to Kageyama's birthday being in December was that it was three days before Christmas. He hated this time of the year, because it was the holiday everyone spent together. Families, couples, etc. Although he spent it with his parents, he hated it because of that same aspect.

Which is why this year, he said, "I'm staying here. I'm not going home."

Hinata more or less understood why he said this. "I know you don't get along with your parents, but it's Christmas."

He was adamant about not going. "It's not Christmas over there."

"Then, do you want to come home with me? I'll have to ask my mom first, but . . ."

"Sure," Kageyama replied, much to his own dismay, because this meant that he would be spending the night at Hinata's house. When Hinata called his mother, she said "of course." He could not back out anymore, no matter how nervous he already was.

They started packing, and after five minutes Kageyama was already done. He went over to Hinata's room and saw him holding up a massive tie-die shirt. Not only was the shirt too big, but its colors were grossly put together. "Is that shirt yours?" he asked.

Hinata seemed to know what he meant, "I know it's bad. But Natsu made it for me."

"Oh, I get it." He only got it somewhat, because he never had a younger sibling, but nonetheless he found Hinata's love for her endearing.

* * *

They were on the train, sharing—fighting over—snacks, when all of a sudden Hinata said, "I meant to tell you this on your birthday, but I forgot."

"Fell me fwhat?" Kageyama asked, his mouth stuffed with some chips.

Hinata paused and held in his laughter because he couldn't understand why he didn't eat the chips before speaking, to prevent himself from sounding like an idiot. "I'm going to celebrate all of your birthdays from now on." He said this with a certain melancholy and joy that couldn't show Kageyama what he was really feeling. He simply wanted to make sure that not another year passed without the celebration of his birthday.

"Hey, have you talked to Oikawa yet?" he asked.

"No," he grumbled.

"You really should."

"I will, okay? Why do you care so much?"

Hinata laughed. "That's a stupid question. We're friends." As Kageyama's face drew closer to his, for the snack on his side, he suddenly turned his head and faced the window. He was afraid that he would see how red his ears were getting.

Sometimes Hinata hated Kageyama for all the stupid fights they got into. When he learned that it showed how close they were, he couldn't help but smile every time he saw his face. But when he saw  _him_  smile, that was a different story.

Sometimes he hated himself for having these thoughts, when Kageyama probably wasn't over Oikawa (or so he believed), despite what he said. He hated himself for having realized the cuteness of his friend fresh out of bed in the morning. None of these things he knew, and Hinata wanted to keep it that way. But he noticed Kageyama acting weird around him before, like when he freaked out over that text message, or whenever their bodies or faces were in close proximity. These moments made him want to believe the slightest belief that Kageyama thought about him in  _that_  way.

Lost in his thoughts, Hinata started to fall asleep. Instead of falling onto Kageyama's shoulder, he fell onto his lap. For him, this was like a test. He was sitting, minding his own business, when suddenly his orange companion rested on his lap. He nuzzled and yawned and fell into a deeper sleep, not realizing that the person he was on was on the verge of death. "Dammit, Hinata. Wake up!" he ordered.

But Hinata didn't hear a word.

When they arrived at Hinata's house, Natsu was all over Kageyama.

"Hey, Natsu, don't you miss your brother?" Hinata asked his sister.

She replied, "Well, sure, but Tobio-nii is so handsome."

"I know that, but what about me?" Immediately after saying this, Hinata wanted to find a hole and bury himself in it. He just hoped Kageyama wouldn't catch on.

After a couple hours of Natsu comparing her brother and his friend, Hinata's parents came home and everyone greeted each other. Kageyama felt completely swept up in the pace of the Hinatas yet again.

"Kageyama, why are you so nervous?" Afterwards, in his room, Hinata called him out on it.

"Your family is so bright."

He cackled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oi! I'm being serious! I just can't understand your family."

"Because they're nice?"

"Well, yeah."

Instead of saying "that's ridiculous" or "you're weird," Hinata walked over and held Kageyama's face in his hands (secretly he had wanted to do that for a while). Almost angrily, he said, "You're bright, too. You just don't see it. But I do. I see it."

Whatever it was, this was another thing Kageyama liked about him. He reached up and held the hands that were still on his face. He smiled, "Thanks."

Four months ago, he wouldn't have done that.

* * *

It was three AM on Christmas morning when Kageyama woke up. He was able to sleep this time, because he was in a futon while Hinata was in his bed. He remembered earlier, when he first saw Hinata's room and how it was not at all different from how he imagined it, the main factor being the hurricane of clothes on his floor and bed. He had a lot of small notebooks lying around, which he soon learned had tons of small sketches in them.

He got up and started walking around, afraid to leave the room while no one else was out there, until Hinata said sleepily, "Just go already. What's wrong with you?"

"How are you awake? I was so quiet."

"I've been halfway between sleeping and not sleeping for the last hour or so."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Hinata did know. It was because he was too nervous to sleep. This had happened before when they slept in Kageyama's bed, but he was able to sleep because (he thought) Kageyama was sleeping.

"Well, I'm hungry."

"We ate so much food though?"

"Still."

He sighed as he got up and yawned. He headed to the kitchen as Kageyama followed. He said, "I think we have frozen pork buns. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," he replied, trying to keep calm because he was always weak to Hinata in his pajamas.

As they waited for the water to boil, Hinata said, "I'm glad you're here, you know. You're so stubborn about getting close to others so I thought you wouldn't come."

"Well, you're different." He cursed himself for saying something so ambiguous, something so apt to be misunderstood. However, that misunderstanding would be the truth.

Hinata stared at him with wide eyes, refusing to let the moment pass by. It was silent, with only the sound of the water simmering filling the void. He asked, "Kageyama, do you still like Oikawa?"

He scoffed. "How many times do I have to say it? I don't."

"Then, do you like someone right now?"

". . . No?" He felt like this was a trick question, somehow.

"Oh. I see." Hinata couldn't tell if it was a lie, but he didn't like Kageyama's mixed signals. Again, it was silent, and it stayed that way until after the pork buns were steamed and ready. "Hurry up and eat. I want to go back to bed." Hinata was in a slightly bad mood, until he saw the way Kageyama was eating the buns. Although somewhat barbaric, he liked the way his cheeks puffed up and his eyes grew big, and how he got some of the filling on his face.

Hinata was hopeless. The same person that made him upset was the person who made in smile again a few seconds later. "Kageyama. You have food on your face. Man, you eat like an animal."

After his failed attempts of trying to get it, Hinata reached out and took it off his face himself. Then he, not knowing what else to do, put it in his mouth.

Kageyama was stunned. The both of them were stunned. Hinata had to run. "Um, I'm going back to bed," he said.

As he started to leave, Kageyama stopped him. He grabbed him by the arm and spun him back around. The moment was quick and sudden, but it felt like it happened in slow motion. Hinata knew his heart wasn't going to stop beating so fast as long as he was in this moment. "Wait," Kageyama said, "Stay for a bit longer."

It was things like this—and these things stopped his heart—that gave Hinata delusions that maybe, just maybe, he wanted them to be together. But unfortunately, Kageyama Tobio was not an open-book.

* * *

After that, on Christmas Day, the Hinata family plus Kageyama went to see the giant tree in the middle of town. Then they exchanged presents. Oddly enough, Kageyama received Hinata's present, a long black scarf, and Natsu received Kageyama's, which was a volleyball T-shirt. Hinata's present came from Natsu, intended for Kageyama, and it was a music album. He and his sister fought over their presents because he wanted the T-shirt.

Following that, they ate cake and sang karaoke. Hinata was delightfully terrible.

Kageyama stayed with the Hinata household until New Year's Day. On New Year's Eve, Hinata made the biggest mistake of his life. Kageyama  _almost_ made his own big mistake.

It was around eleven PM when Hinata had brought him to his roof, and they lay down and looked at the sky and talked about horror movies. But somewhere along the line, it fell silent, and the air seemed to be filled with tension. Hinata, desperate, pulled out his phone and texted Kenma:

_You won't believe this_

_Actually you will_

_But I'm pretty sure I’m in love with Kageyama_

It wasn't until he heard a vibration from Kageyama's pocket that his entire being stopped; it froze in place. He checked his phone, and realized that the message wasn't sent to Kenma. Kageyama reached for his phone but Hinata tackled him to stop him from even touching his phone.

"You idiot! What are you doing?!" Kageyama shouted, trying to get Hinata off him.

At this point, his face was red and he felt as if he was suffocating. He wanted to cry, and he even felt the tears coming on, but he stopped himself. He said, "Don't look at your phone! Please!"

"What are you talking about? Why?" They continued to tackle each other until Kageyama had pinned Hinata to the floor. This proximity was dangerous, especially for Kageyama. He knew it was, but it didn't stop him from staring in awe at the picture in front of him. There was Hinata, on the verge of tears, with flushed cheeks and ears, his eyes lowered and pained. He seemed to have no control over his body, or the situation, as he lay there, within Kageyama's grip, so desperate to get out of it.

He didn't like this picture, because Hinata seemed to be in pain. So he let go, silent, and instead pulled him closer. "Did I hurt you?" he asked.

"W-what? No," Hinata stammered.

He let go and looked him in the eyes. He drew his face closer and closer to Hinata's until their lips were centimeters apart. Clearly, on a normal day, this was the last thing Kageyama would do. Four months ago he would not have considered doing this to Hinata. Clearly, his body was moving faster than his mind. But suddenly, he stopped. He realized what he was doing and stopped before things got out of hand. Before he ruined everything.

"Sorry," was all he said as he got up and left.

Hinata sat there, burning and lost and yearning. He sat there with his heart exploding and his eyes watering. He didn't understand what just happened. Was Kageyama going to kiss him? Hinata felt the tears run down his face from his eyes like rivers. He thought of why he was crying, but nothing came to mind. Well, unless he really was hopelessly in love with Kageyama and that text message would ruin everything. But, the kiss? The  _almost_  kiss?

He called Kenma. As soon as the call was answered he said, still crying, "I . . . I'm in love with my best friend. Again."


	10. This List is Useless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hina and Kage deal with their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty much a closure chapter, with a side of stubborn Hinata.

Kageyama was sure he did the right thing. Not kissing his closest friend, not ruining their friendship, he was sure he was doing the right thing. It was just that Hinata was making the most unexpected faces, and the timing was almost too good, so he lost himself for a moment. A really long moment. Of all people for him to fall for, it had to be the ginger-haired loudmouth. It had to be the guy who was always there whether he liked it or not, the one who pulled him from his comfort zone, the one who helped him and encouraged him and the one reason why he wasn't in love with Oikawa anymore. It just had to be that guy. The light.

He went from hating relationships, to liking his friend, to almost kissing his friend. And he just had to make a fool of himself.

But why did Hinata look like he was about to cry? Why had he went off about his phone? Since it seemed to cause him a great deal of stress, he didn't want to look at it just yet. As he went back to bed, he came to a conclusion.

There really was no right thing to do.

After the shrine visit, Kageyama and Hinata headed back to school. They weren't talking, and it was expected from the both of them, but that didn't mean it felt any less awkward. One word and they probably would start arguing. Without a word, Hinata walked straight past Kageyama's room with a face of discontent.

The king of perception, Tsukishima, noticed this, and of course, had to be sarcastic about it before giving Kageyama advice. That's how it always was.

"The honeymoon was great, I see," he said.

"Oh, shut up."

"But seriously though, why is he like that?"

This is what Kageyama feared. His roommate was the last person he wanted to talk to about this. But since it was rare for Tsukishima to be interested, he said, "I think I screwed up."

"What do you mean?"

". . . He and I would always argue about how I didn't want to love anyone. And then, I think,  _I think,_  I started having feelings for him? I don’t know when it started. And then, while we were away—"

"Don't tell me you kissed him."

"I didn't. Almost."

"Jesus, Kageyama, you never change. You know you're a hypocrite, right?"

"I know." He knew. He knew and he wanted to change. If it was for Hinata, he wanted to change.

Tsukishima continued, "So, what now? Are you going to talk about it like people should?"

"I don't know." Kageyama knew this was his fault, and he had to fix it, but he had no idea how. And even he could tell that Hinata seemed to be angry with him instead of nervous, which made the situation all the more confusing.

 

 _I don’t love him,_ Hinata told himself this over and over after they came back from his house. _I don’t. I don’t._ After a while, he distracted himself with math (meaning he was desperate), but it proved worthless because he ended up writing Kageyama’s name in his notebook. He sunk his head into his book and groaned. _I really do love him._

To see if he could get rid of his feelings while they still existed, he signed up for an online dating website. Normally, he wouldn’t try, because he was always weary of the internet, but this time, he needed some sort of cure. Because the more he was apart from Kageyama, the more he would think of him, and the more pain was dealt to his chest.

But in the end, on Saturday at night in a park, the guy Hinata met was revealed to be a man twice his age. Quickly, as soon as he saw the guy with unruly hair and although handsome, his feet turned cold and instinctively he prepared to run. But the man stopped him, looking down at him and smiling. He said, “Where are you going, Hinata-kun?”

“U-um, I suddenly remembered I have somewhere to be,” he stammered.

As the man reached for his arm, he immediately pulled away and cried for help. Unexpectedly enough, the one who helped him was someone who he thought he’d never see again. He grabbed the older man’s shoulder tightly. “I’d appreciate it if you took your hands off my boyfriend,” Oikawa Tooru said.

The man glared at Hinata for having “deceived” him, and slowly walked off.

“T-thank you, Oikawa-san,” Hinata said when they were alone under a tree.

“No problem. You _are_ Tobio’s friend.”

“But what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to meet a friend around here.”

“Oh, I see.” Suddenly he lowered his head and fiddled his fingers.

Oikawa, noticing this, said, “Ask me what you want to ask. It’s okay.”

Hinata went for it. “Then, did you really cheat on Kageyama?”

He was taken aback, and hesitated to answer. “What a rare question. Hmm, well, I didn’t. But to him, I did, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

Hinata grew frustrated. “Why?! Do you know how much pain he’s in because of that? Why did you lie in the first place?”

Surrounding them was the noise of the city cars and crying children. Between them, it was silent. “I lied . . . because I thought it was a sign that we shouldn’t be together anymore. Because eventually, I was going to hurt him somehow anyway, so I decided to let it end while it could.”

“But, didn’t it hurt? For him to yell at you in pure anger . . .”

“Of course it did. But that was okay, because I figured he would be healed soon enough. And so would I.”

“Don’t you think he deserves the truth?”

“. . . Are you saying that I should tell him?”

“Yeah.”

Oikawa lowered his eyes and sighed. “I don’t want to. Because if he still . . .”

“Please!” Hinata pressed his fists against Oikawa’s chest. “I love him! I hate seeing him with such a painful face—” Hinata stopped himself, because he realized that what he was saying was frighteningly similar to what Kageyama said to him when they first met. Now, he understood all that. And it killed him.

With a sad smile, Oikawa finally complied, “Alright, Chibi-chan. I’ll tell him. Since this was all my fault in the first place.”

And somehow, after Oikawa left, he started crying again. This was something about himself that he hated. He hated how he was always on an emotional high, how he always _felt_ everything, sometimes too strongly. And when he fell in love, he fell hard.

He realized that instead of getting rid of his feelings, the opposite happened. No matter what he tried or how hard he tried, it was useless.

* * *

Kageyama wasn’t fond of lists. But at this point, he figured he didn’t have a choice. He took a piece of paper and made two sections. One side was reasons why he should confess and why he might want to date Hinata. The other side was the opposite.

Why I Should: Why not, I think I love him, I don’t really want anyone else to be with him

Why I Shouldn’t: We’re friends first, I don’t think he even feels the same way, I’m the shadow and he’s the light

So it was a pretty even comparison with pretty valid reasons. But Kageyama, the king of pessimism, tended to lean more towards why he shouldn’t.

Just then, he got a phone call. It was from Oikawa, of all people, at this time. He dreaded answering it.

“Hello?”

_“. . . Tobio, is that you?”_

“Well, you called my number.” Oikawa’s voice through the phone was still the same.

_“So it seems. What are you doing?”_

“Making a list. Of whether or not I should do something. What do you want?”

_“Well, I kind of wanted to do this in person, but whatever. There’s something you should know. About that day.”_

Kageyama paused before replying, “Is it that she kissed you, and I misunderstood?”

First, there was silence. _“I guess I didn’t have to tell you. I did try to stop her.”_

“Why didn’t you explain it back then?”

_“I just thought . . . that you would be better off without me. It’s not like me at all, but that’s what I thought. So I didn’t stop you. Even if I did, would you have believed me, though?”_

Kageyama felt guilty answering this question, “Probably . . . not?”

He heard Oikawa’s laugh through the phone. _“Exactly. So, anyway, what’s your list about?”_

“Um, someone I want to date.”

_“Oooh, sounds fun. Is it that Chibi-chan you were with before?”_

He caught on quick. “. . . Maybe.”

_“But making a list is kind of stupid, you know. I know it’s hard, but if you want him, then you just have to take that chance. You’re only doubting yourself by writing ‘why or why not’. I think, haha. I don’t really know. Good luck with your list.”_

“Oikawa-san.” Saying his name, somehow, felt normal again. He had missed saying it.

_“Yeah?”_

His throat tightened, as he tried to get his words across, and he couldn’t do it without his eyes watering. Accepting loss is never easy. They were only on the phone, but that made their voices and feelings that much closer. “Thank you . . . for being my first love.”

_“Ha . . . this is embarrassing, but . . . I guess I should say the same to you, Tobio. I love you.”_

If Kageyama’s eyes were like clouds, and before they were drizzling, now they were pouring. When the call ended, he looked down at his list that was spotted with the water that fell from his eyes. “This list is useless,” he grumbled.

He threw it away and looked back at his phone. He saw the message Hinata was screaming about before. Since it was in front of him already, he decided to read it. As he did, heart sank to his gut and he wanted to punch himself in the face a thousand times over.

He read the words in his head repeatedly:  _I'm pretty sure I’m in love with Kageyama_

Was it possible? Was it really true? This was the last thing Kageyama expected, and it wasn't as pleasant of a surprise as it should have been. Now it was up to him, it depended on him. He had to take that chance. All he could think about was the expression on Hinata's face that day, and that he really did cause it. He had helped Hinata get over Kenma. But in the process, somehow, they fell for each other.

He still couldn't quite believe it. Hinata Shouyou, in love with  _him_?

What was there to love?


	11. You Dumbass (I Love You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tension and dorks arguing about their feelings and lots of kissing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments and love, guys :')

Nothing was fair. Kageyama should have looked at that message that night, whether Hinata wanted him to or not. If he’d looked at it then, he probably would have kissed him. He probably would have embraced him and held him and told him he was sorry for being an idiot. But none of that happened, because he was an idiot.

Tsukishima saw his distress. To help, as he claimed he was going out of his way, he told Kageyama that he and Kuroo were going skiing next week, and that he should ask Hinata to come.

What happened, though, was that he asked Yamaguchi and Yachi instead, because he couldn't find a way to talk to Hinata.

He even ran into Kenma (literally) while searching for him. "Oh, sorry. Oh, wait, you're . . ."

Kenma looked up at him as he got a first-hand look at his cat-like eyes. "You're Kageyama, right? Shouyou's friend?"

"Yes . . ."

"I'm Kozume."

"Right."

Then, he seemed to smile a little, as he looked at Kageyama up and down. "Right," he said. "Did he tell you about me?"

"Well, yeah."

"What do you think about it? Is it my fault?" The way Kenma was questioning him felt like he was testing him.

Kageyama thought about it. "Well, I mean, what can you do about it? It isn't anyone's fault. That's like saying it's a star's fault that it dies." Kenma frowned, confused, as Kageyama realized what he said. "Sorry. I had astronomy earlier . . ."

"No, I know what you mean, but . . . you're just weird." Kenma walked past him. “. . . See you later.”

* * *

The snow on the ground was probably the only thing cooling them off enough to not get into an argument. Currently they were exchanging intense glances of frustration at each other. It was as if Hinata was provoking him, but it was weird because they still weren't talking, and at this point they would usually already be racing on the snow.

Most likely out of spite, Hinata brought Kenma with him after Yamaguchi told him about the trip (Kageyama couldn't do it after all).

"What's wrong with them?" Kuroo asked Tsukishima on the side.

"They're too stubborn to tell each other how they feel," Tsukishima said with a sneer.

"That's so Kageyama it physically hurts," cackled Kuroo.

"I know, right? Let's go. I don't want to watch them."

Unlike them, Yachi was too worried to leave the two alone and let Yamaguchi teach her (and Kenma, actually) how to ski. "You guys, I think you should just talk about it," she said. Yamaguchi was focused on Hinata. He looked back and forth between them, and seemed to have figured it out. He sighed and called Hinata over to the side.

"What is it, Tadashi?"

"Do you have feelings for him, Hinata?"

"W-why would you say—"

"I can tell." Yamaguchi scratched his neck. "Look, I know you and him brought Yachi-san and I together. I want you to be happy, too. That's why I let him in our room that day. So, talk to him."

Hinata's eyes glossed. Yamaguchi was a good friend.

As he and Kageyama were left alone, he finally spoke. "I'll race you. That tree over there is the finish line."

After some time, Kageyama said, "What happens to the loser?"

"The loser just loses!"

So they started, and Hinata couldn't admit that he didn't quite know how to ski. But he kept saying, "I won't lose!" Still, Kageyama was winning, and as he stopped by the tree, he looked back at Hinata, who started passing the tree.

"What are you doing?" he shouted.

"I don't know! I can't stop!" Hinata shouted back.

"What? Then why—" He stopped himself as he quickly went after Hinata. "You dumbass!" For the life of him, Kageyama could not understand Hinata sometimes. But it was those times that reminded him just how much he meant to him. One of those times was now.

Hinata was speeding into an area with more trees. What neither of them noticed was that the path they were going on was going to stop and what came after was down below.

"Kageyama!!" Hinata cried as he got closer to the edge.

"It's okay! I've got you!" he reassured, and as Hinata descended, Kageyama caught him and pulled him close. He hid his small head in his arms. He tried, desperately, to protect him. This was all he thought about as he blacked out.

* * *

When Kageyama opened his eyes, he saw orange hair peeping from his jacket, and he sighed in relief as he checked the unconscious boy’s body for bruises and such.

He looked around; they were in the middle of nowhere. They were surrounded by green trees covered with snow. White snow was underneath them like a frozen pillow. The sky above was turning grey.

The only light he saw was the bright color of Hinata's hair. He waited for him to wake up, and as he did he made a snowman. As he reached for his neck to take off his scarf and give it to the snowman, he realized that it wasn't there. The black scarf Hinata gave him wasn't around his neck anymore, and his heart sank.

He looked around, only to see that Hinata himself was clutching onto it tightly. Slowly but surely, he opened his eyes. "Kage . . . yama? Are you there?"

"I'm here," he said. "I'm right here."

Hinata sat up and shook his head to wake himself up. He looked down at the scarf. "I don't get you. You were wearing the scarf?"

"Well, it was a present. You're always giving me things." Kageyama's tone turned heavy as he muttered, "And this time, it was a fucking heart attack."

"What?"

"Why did you want to race me if you didn't know how to ski? Don't you know how dangerous that is?"

Hinata, instead of being reassured that Kageyama cared, was angry. "Now you care, all of a sudden? When you weren't talking to me for a week?"

"It's not like you talked to me, either."

"You, you were acting like you didn't try to kiss me! Like you didn't read that message!"

"I only read it last night!  _You_  were the one who said not to look!"

"Just because I said that? You weren't curious?"

"The face you made, when I tackled you, it scared me. I thought I caused your pain."

Hinata lauded dryly. "I mean, you kind of did. Because you do things, and then you act like they don't mean anything when they mean everything to me." As he sighed, he looked up and saw the first snowflake. After the first one, more floated down. The snow was silent, it made no noise, but their hearts did. Their hearts were loud.

Hinata felt his nose and ears and cheeks burning. Not knowing whether it was because of the heat of the argument or his nervousness, he faced Kageyama and continued, "I don't get it. With me, and you, and us, and not knowing what you're thinking. So I'm just going to tell you right here and now. I . . . I'm in love with you! I’m not sure when it happened, or how, but it did. I'm in love with you, and I hate it. Because you’re an idiot."

If Kageyama knew Hinata was going to say all of this on this trip, he would not have wanted for them to go. He would not have wanted anything, especially since he knew, deep inside, that he did.

He simply wanted to be with Hinata.

“Say something, Kageyama.”

With narrowed, glossy eyes and frozen lips, he said, "You dumbass."

Immediately Hinata perked up. "What?! Why are you saying something like that now?" He sucked his teeth and began to march off, exclaiming, “You’re always like this—”

Kageyama swiftly stopped him. He grabbed Hinata arm like he did once before and turned him around. He turned him around, and pulled him close as their lips touched. It all happened in an instant. They stopped, because they were both kind of astonished by what just happened. “What was that?” Hinata asked.

“What the hell do you think?” Kageyama replied.

“But, you said you didn’t like anyone—” Again, Hinata was stopped mid-sentence because Kageyama kissed him. He’d intended for that to be the last one, but Hinata made and expression that urged Kageyama to continue. So he did.

They were kissing furiously now, as if they were still mad at each other but too busy to care. Kageyama ran his fingers through Hinata’s snowy hair, as if he’d wanted to do so for a while. It was like a release of emotion, of words that weren't said, of things that weren't done. It was strange, because neither of them really knew how to kiss, and although they knocked each other's teeth and tongues multiple times, it was fine because it felt right. They didn't stop, they continued, even as the snowflakes fell on their faces. It was as if they didn’t feel anything but each other.

“K-Kageyama,” Hinata breathed, “your hands.”

Kageyama kissed lower, on his neck. “What? You still don’t like them?”

“No, before, I was trying to convince myself that I didn’t. But I actually really do.”


	12. We're Pretty Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath and a sick Kageyama.

After they got rest, Hinata and Kageyama walked back, trying to find their way. But the snowfall made it difficult to see. Hinata tried to continue walking after a while, but he couldn’t. “I think I twisted my ankle,” he said. “It really hurts.”

Kageyama groaned. He’d tried not to get Hinata hurt, but it still happened. He bent over and opened his arms. “Hop on.”

“Are you serious, Kageyama?”

“Ah?” he said angrily, “Do you want the pain to get worse?”

Hinata was more focused on having to experience the feel and smell of Kageyama’s hair rather than his pain. Even with his impending heartache, he took the offer. He slowly and carefully got on his back, as if he’d break it if he did otherwise.

“Is this okay?” Kageyama asked him.

“Yeah. It’s fine,” he answered, but it was better than fine. It was great. For the first time, Hinata smelled his oddly parted hair, and noted that it smelled like blueberries. It was silent as they trudged through the snow. The most they heard were their breaths and maybe, heartbeats. “Hinata, I want to ask you something.” Kageyama’s voice was deeper than his usual shouting, so it caught Hinata off guard.

“Shoot.”

The words came out quickly. “Why do you even love me?”

This was a frustrating question for Hinata. It frustrated him because it seemed like Kageyama was hinting that he didn’t think anyone would, or could love him again. He hardly had to think before answering, “You’re asking me that as if you thought no one could, and that pisses me off. Kageyama, you—you’re hot-headed, and stubborn and annoying and always frowning. But you know what? That’s fine. It’s fine because you’re also kind, in your own way. Your smile and laugh, the fact that you’re actually pretty shy, I love those things about you. So when you ask me why I love you, it makes me mad. Because I just do.”

Kageyama held Hinata closer to his back. He truly wanted to stop walking to hug him and kiss him and cry, but he didn’t, because Hinata was in pain. He had been looking for permission from someone, maybe Oikawa, if it was alright for him to love someone again. Since he screwed up his last relationship because of his flaws, he didn’t want to screw this one up. Especially because he loved Hinata as well.

“Hinata,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“I really like your hands, too.”

As if he understood what this meant, Hinata smiled and rested his head in the bend of Kageyama’s neck. “I know,” he whispered. After a while of more walking, he had a sudden thought. “Hey, should we tell the others about us?”

“No,” Kageyama immediately replied, “Even if they already have an idea about it, that glasses bastard and his boyfriend will never stop taunting me.”

“I see. But I’ll tell Kenma and Tadashi, okay? They helped me.”

“Sure, if that’s what you want.”

Hinata chirped, “This is weird. So you’re my boyfriend now, huh? Are you always going to be this nice?”

He almost snickered. “Of course not. We’ll still argue.”

“Of course, since you’re still my rival. You still have things I don’t.” Hinata had a point, but Kageyama thought that was a good thing. He continued, “You know, you’re my first boyfriend. And you took my first kiss. How do you feel?”

Kageyama was honestly surprised hearing this, but he remembered that Hinata was in love with Kenma for a long time. “I feel like there’s a lot I need to teach you,” he said.

Hinata’s face flushed. “Teach away, Kageyama-sensei. Or . . . Tobio.”

“Hm? What did you say?”

He shook his head. “Nothing.”  It took a lot out of him to say his first name just once. He couldn’t say it again.

* * *

They reached the lodging in one piece. Kageyama set Hinata down on a sofa and went to an office for first-aid. He came back with a blanket, coffee and bandages. Slowly, he wrapped the bandages around Hinata’s ankle, starting from the heel of his foot. He couldn’t help but notice that Hinata’s feet were small and soft, like his body. He wanted to hold his feet and tickle them. The urge to do so was overwhelming.

Meanwhile, Hinata was sitting with a nonchalant expression but he couldn’t deny how he was feeling. He never thought the day would come when Kageyama would be taking care of him. The harder he tried to repress his desire to laugh (he was quite ticklish), the more he wanted to.

When Kageyama finished wrapping his ankle, he stood up and said, “Move over.”

“Why?” Hinata didn’t want to move.

“Because I want to sit where you’re sitting.”

“I’m injured!”

“Then I’ll move you.”

Hinata sighed and moved over. Kageyama was right when he said he wouldn’t always treat him nicely. For some reason, though, it felt more real that way.

Kageyama took out the keychain he gave him. He started playing with it, because he needed to preoccupy his hands so that he wouldn’t hold Hinata’s. There was no specific reason why he wanted to; he just did. And with this he understood what Hinata was saying earlier.

As Hinata drank the coffee, he grimaced. “Ugh. Why’d you get black, Kageyama?”

“Oh. I like it black. I didn’t know that you . . .” He stopped as he realized just how little he knew about Hinata, like the idiosyncrasies and the small things. It frustrated him. Still, Hinata seemed to know what he was thinking, probably because he felt the same way. “Little by little. That’s fine, I think,” he said.

Kageyama was confused by how he didn’t include any context in his words, but he figured he just wanted to keep it simple. “Okay,” he replied.

“But seriously, drinking it black sucks.”

“Uh, no it doesn’t.”

“Uh, yeah it does. There’s nothing in it and it’s so bitter!”

“But sugar and milk don’t even belong in coffee! It’s too sweet! If you weren’t injured and tired, I would really fight you on this.”

Hinata was stunned because Kageyama was a more thoughtful person than he thought. “We’re pretty stupid, aren’t we?”

Just then, Yamaguchi and Yachi arrived and saw them. “I’m glad you guys are safe,” Yachi said, “The snow is getting worse.”

Yamaguchi knowingly added, “Did you make up?”

The two turned their heads away in embarrassment. “Well . . . yeah.”

“I see.” He already knew.

 

When Kageyama woke up, he found Hinata’s head resting on his shoulder. The sight was something he could get used to. He slowly moved over and covered him with the blanket. He started at Hinata’s sleeping face, and concluded that him asleep was a hell of a lot easier than him awake. He pushed his orange bangs aside. _His eyelashes are pretty long,_ he thought. Interrupting the moment was Tsukishima, who was sitting on the sofa across from them. Kenma was sitting next to him silently playing his game. “How about you do that when I’m not around?” he said.

Kageyama turned to stone. “You guys saw?”

“More or less. I won’t say anything, though. I don’t have to. It’s pretty obvious to anyone who looks.”

“You’re not going to joke around like you did with Oikawa-san?”

Tsukishima smiled. “Of course. Not now, though. I’m tired.”

“Where is that guy, anyway?”

“Tetsu? He’s probably smoking somewhere.”

“You’re not sure?”

“Kind of? I mean, he does it sometimes.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Well. I hate the smell, but not him. He never goes past two a day.”

“Wow.” Kageyama was surprised, and oddly creeped out.

“What?” Tsukishima frowned.

“I think this is the first time you’ve spoken to me like this. Since you and him got together, at least. It’s kind of gross.”

“Yeah.” Again, he smiled stiffly. “It’s never happening again.”

When the snow let up, the six of them headed back to school.

* * *

It wasn’t long until Kageyama came down with a fever. He had been stressed lately because of a few term papers, and he often left the dorms without a scarf or anything. So, of course he would become more prone to getting sick. He was able to get off of his part-time job, but he was still missing school.

Because of this, he was stuck in his room worrying about his work, so much so that he forgot to tell Hinata. So when the redhead burst in (Tsukishima knowingly left it unlocked) with an expression mixed with anger and worry, he was speechless.

“What are you doing?!” the redhead shouted.

“What do you mean? I can’t do anything.”

“I mean, what’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you call me?!”

Kageyama shrunk in under his sheets. “Well . . . I forgot. Besides, I’m not even sick.”

“Huh? Man, you’re stubborn. Did you already forget that we’re dating?”

“No, I just . . . I’m not used to it. To people helping me,” he mumbled. “And I’m not sick,” he coughed.

As he took out a cooling pad and placed it on Kageyama’s forehead, he tried to hold in his laughter from his boyfriend’s stubborn claims of not being sick. “Well, I’m here. So get used to it. I’m going to use your stove to make rice porridge. Okay?”

“Whatever . . .” Kageyama was secretly very happy. After a while, he noticed that Hinata had been standing at the stove and not moving. “What are you doing, Hinata?”

“Um, well, this is embarrassing but, do you know how to make rice porridge?”

Kageyama was too tired to shout at Hinata for being an idiot. He just sighed. “Just boil the rice for like a half hour or so. I don’t know how much water, but use a lot.”

“I got it! Thanks, Kageyama.” Hinata walked over to him, bent over and gently kissed him on his nose.

Kageyama froze. “You! What was that!”

Hinata grinned. “That was a ‘hurry up and get better you big idiot’ kiss.”


	13. It's Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinata+black turtleneck=death of Kageyama. Also the story is ending with the next chapter?? Maybe

The first time Hinata showed up to class with a bandage on his face Kageyama was curious, but not too curious. He figured that he shouldn’t pry and instead give Hinata his space. The second time, he showed up with not one, but two bandages. Kageyama was worried now, although aggressively. “WHO THE HELL DID THAT TO YOU?” he exclaimed before class began. Yachi, a witness to this, determined that he showed his concern fiercely.

Hinata seemed embarrassed as he answered, “A tree.”

“What? Did I just hear that you fought a damn tree?”

“No! I was trying to get a cat out of it. That was today.”

Kageyama crossed his arms. “Then yesterday?”

“It was a kite.”

Kageyama knew that Hinata was weird and spontaneous, but was he clumsy and reckless as well? Just what did he do when he was by himself?

Acting upon that inquiry he followed Hinata after classes, having told him that they couldn’t hang out because he had work (he really did, but that was later). As he watched him, he felt surrounded by an air of excitement. He hoped it didn't show on his face, because he already had a suspicious getup with his shades and hat. However, whatever expectations he had were soon thrown out the window. As Hinata approached a fairly new rental shop, the front door wasn’t opening for him. He had been pulling at the door for about three minutes. He even slipped and fell. Kageyama already noticed, from afar, that the door said _PUSH_ but Hinata was clearly oblivious to it until a passerby told him.

After what was twenty minutes but felt like hours, Hinata came out with nothing. Kageyama was pissed. Just what had he went in there for? After that he went to the convenience store and came out with two lollipops. Why two? He only ate one.

Next was the something Kageyama had been anticipating. The tree. Hinata stood in front of the large mass of nature, fists clenched like a protagonist in front of a final boss. He looked up at the tree, but there was no cat nor kite stuck in it. So why was he standing there? He dropped his bag and started to climb the tree. Slowly but surely, he made his way to the stop. As he did, he just sat on one of the branches, close to the tree trunk. He was smiling.

“Hinata.” Kageyama stood in front of the tree, gazing up at him. His orange hair seemed to blend in with the color of the sunset, as his round eyes appeared to reflect it.

His eyes widened as he saw Kageyama from below. “Kageyama? What are you doing here? Did you follow me? You stalker!”

“I just wanted to know about what kind of trouble you were getting yourself into! But what is this about?”

He stammered, “Well, I . . . I like the view from here! I’ve liked it ever since I came here to Tokyo. But lately, whenever I try to climb, I keep falling. I’ve been falling a lot lately.”

“So there was no cat or kite to begin with?”

“No. Sorry for lying. This kind of thing is just embarrassing.”

“Why? If it’s something you like, why should it be embarrassing? I don’t get you.” In the midst of his irritation, Kageyama started climbing the tree himself.

“Kageyama, no! You’re going to fall!”

“If you didn’t, why should I?”

“Because some of the branches are—” Kageyama cracked a branch and fell to the ground on his rear. “—weak. God, is your butt okay?!”

Kageyama knew he was being silly, so he settled it with a simple, “My ass is perfectly fine.”

“That’s good.” Hinata grinned. He held out the other lollipop that he bought. “Here. I got you candy. It’ll make you feel better.”

Kageyama was surprised, not just because the extra lollipop was for him, but because Hinata actually held out and didn’t eat it. “Well, I’m down here so you should drop it.” Hinata dropped the candy and he caught it. As he unwrapped it and put it in his mouth, he gagged. “What flavor is this? Poison?”

“I don’t know. I got us the same one. It says mystery flavor, but I think that it’s rice.”

“Fuck! After this, you’re treating me to ramen at Ukai’s. But then I really have work.” Kageyama absolutely loathed the candy, but he couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. So he endured.

Again, Hinata grinned with a smile so radiant it could even shine in the dark. It could even give life to a shadow. “Sure thing.”

* * *

For the first time in a while, Kageyama thought his life was going well. He, more or less, had a boyfriend, and was borderline in his studies. But his delusions of happiness soon came to a halt. Or, at least, that’s what he assumed when Hinata said he was going to tell his parents about their relationship. “What is this all of a sudden? It’s only been two weeks.” He knew he was going to have to jump this hurdle eventually, but it had horrible timing. He already had his part-time job and his studies consuming his brain.

“Well, I feel like I’m hiding something from them. It makes me sick. So I can’t concentrate on anything,” Hinata reasoned.

Kageyama laughed through his teeth. “Were you always this selfish?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ah, whatever. Do what you want.”

“So when should we go tomorrow, at one?”

“What?”

“ _We’re_ going to tell them.”

Now, for the first time since they got together, Kageyama thought his life was going to hell. On the train ride there, he sat with a frown plastered between his brows and blood from biting his lip. Hinata stared at him for a long time before asking about it. “Does this worry you that much?”

Kageyama didn’t answer. His mind was too loud for his ears to hear. So Hinata grabbed his head and pushed it down to his lap. “What are you doing?!” Kageyama exclaimed.

“A lap pillow. You always call me dumb, but I think you’re the dumb one.”

“Do you want to fight?”

“No! I’m just saying that you’re holding stuff in and it annoys me. So don’t hold anything in. Rely on me. Please.”

Kageyama always tasted defeat when it came to things like this. The tenderness and warmth of Hinata’s small lap made him surrender temporarily. “It’s not easy,” he said.

Hinata began to pat and caress his hair. “What’s not easy?”

“School. And work.”

“You mentioned it before, but what is it?”

“I work at a hospital. It’s mainly paper work, but every now and then you see the patients. The kids. And seeing what they go through . . . just hurts.” Talking about it pained his chest, but since Hinata was with him, he was okay.

“Is it pity?”

Kageyama turned his head and sunk his face in the gap between Hinata's thighs. “. . . Maybe. But it’s probably me just being angry for them, because they’re always smiling even though they’re in pain.”

“Hmm. My mom says that sometimes kids are tougher than adults.” Hinata tugged at Kageyama’s earlobe. “About school, you and I are in the same boat. It’s hard.”

“It doesn’t show on your face.”

“Really? Look, I even have bags under my eyes!”

Hinata pointed at his eyes and Kageyama snickered. “Idiot.”

“What else is there? Is it about telling my parents?”

“I guess.”

“I didn’t want to pressure you. If I did, I’m sorry. But it should be fine. They know I’m gay.”

“Seriously? That’s half of it dealt with . . .”

“I didn’t tell Natsu, though. She’s still young. We can cross that bridge—Kageyama? Are you listening?” Kageyama was tired, so by that time, he was drifting off while still on Hinata’s lap.

 

Now, they were face-to-face with Hinata’s parents. Hinata had just told them the news. His mother spoke first. “For how long?”

“Two weeks so far,” Kageyama answered.

“Are you two happy? Isn’t our boy a lot of trouble?” his father asked. Hinata seemed like he wanted to shout _I’m not a lot of trouble!_ in response, but he held himself back.

“Well . . . even though he annoys me sometimes, and he runs too fast, I’m glad it’s him. I think we’re happy.”

Hinata’s mother turned to her son. “I’m happy for you, Shouyou. You finally found someone who puts up with you, huh?”

This time, he spoke his mind. “What does that mean?!”

“Isn’t that why Kenma drifted away from you? Because you’re so demanding and competitive?”

“We’re still friends! And Kageyama is the same way!”

His mother sighed. She turned to Kageyama and smiled. “Even though he’s like this, please take care of him.”

For the first time, probably ever, Kageyama felt like he wouldn’t mind the responsibility. “I will.”

As the two headed to Hinata’s room, they saw Natsu standing behind the wall. She heard everything. She mumbled, “Even though I wanted to marry you . . . just don’t let my brother go. Okay?”

Kageyama didn’t know what else to say but, “Yeah.”

Natsu laughed. “Is that all you say? ‘Yeah’?”

 

After dinner, Hinata’s father left on his night shift, and his mother went out to drink with her friends. Natsu, being heartbroken, decided to sleep over at her friend’s house. Neither Kageyama nor Hinata could tell whether or not this was on purpose or a very convenient coincidence. They didn’t want to go back to school yet, and because it was Saturday, they could stay the night.

They were sitting on the floor and looking at sports magazines (mainly the volleyball section) when Hinata leered at Kageyama. “You’re thinking dirty, aren’t you?”

It would be a lie if he were to answer that question saying “no.” He was only looking at Hinata, but because he knew subconsciously that they were alone, his features became more and more noticeable. The way his hair slightly fell over his eyes, the way his collarbone lined through his black sweater, the way his head tilted as his hair followed. He was wearing a turtleneck, leading Kageyama to develop a weakness for Hinata in turtlenecks. And were Hinata’s eyes always so relaxed and pretty? Usually his eyes were brimming with curiosity and excitement for everything—so wide and honest. But in this silent moment, his eyes were lowered, as if upset or in deep thought. And then his lips, which he had felt a few times before, seemed more moist than usual. This all was bad for Kageyama. He had to do something about it.

“Hinata,” he finally said.

The boy slowly looked up from the magazine. Somehow, even that was attractive. “What?”

“Turn the fuck around.”

“Why? And stop swearing!”

“You’re distracting. So just don’t let me look at you.”

Hinata stood up. “So it’s my fault?”

Kageyama followed him up. “Yeah.”

“Then why don’t you do something about it, huh?!” Hinata shouted. “You’re just sitting there, looking at me as if you have something to—” This was the third time, now, that Kageyama stopped Hinata mid-sentence with a kiss. He kissed him roughly but gently at the same time, and they continued kissing, and as he felt Hinata’s tongue, knew he was losing himself.

“Do you know what it is?” he said.

Hinata, flushed with pink, breathed, “Of course I know. I know you.”

“Is it okay?”

“It’s okay.” He looked around his room. “I don’t have the proper stuff, though.”

Kageyama nodded as he went through his bag. “I have a condom, at least. From the hospital. They were free.”

Hinata laughed, “What? Then you were planning this?” Slowly, with a lot of heavy breathing and laughing and nervousness, Kageyama kissed Hinata while he took off his clothes. He never thought he would feel butterflies in his stomach when it came to Hinata. He never thought he would ever want Hinata to be his, to see his body and his expressions. The incomprehensible desire consumed him like a growing fire eating up old wood. He traced his lips all over his neck, then his chest, as his hand grabbed at what was behind his underwear. “You—!” Hinata fell back and moaned softly. Kageyama thought, _Woah,_ as he playfully began licking his nipples. “Goodbye, my virginity . . .” Hinata uttered.

Kageyama chimed, “We’re never seeing you again.”

* * *

Hinata found himself in a dream. He couldn’t tell whether it was his own dream, or if he was somehow in Kageyama’s dream (which wasn’t possible, but still). He was standing in front of Kageyama, or a small child who looked a lot like his grumpy boyfriend. Surrounding him was white; they couldn’t even see the shadows beneath their feet. They were staring at each other as if their eyes spoke more words than their mouths ever could. Even if that were the case, though, Hinata wouldn’t know what they’d be talking about. He felt a sense of superiority because he was taller than Kageyama for a change.

“Who the hell are you?” the boy asked him. He had to have been at least thirteen.

“. . . You’re Kageyama, right? A young Kageyama. I’m Hinata.”

“Why are you here?”

“I don’t know.”

Kageyama stepped up closer. “Why don’t you know?”

Hinata scratched his head. “Can you not ask me questions I can’t answer?”

“Then, why do people hate me? Can you answer that?”

Hinata stopped. He didn’t know how to answer, because his question didn’t make sense to him. So he pinched his nose hard. “Don’t you mean, ‘why do I hate people’?”

“Ouch! Let go!” Kageyama whacked his hand away. He frowned and lowered his head. “I guess . . . it’s true that I don’t like anyone either.”

“And why is that?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“. . . My parents. I feel like they . . .” Kageyama paused, because his voice was shaking. His eyes were turning pink as they were suddenly filled with tears. “Don’t love me anymore. They’re against my sexuality, and everything else I try to do right. My volleyball teammates don’t like me either. I . . . don’t like me.”

Hinata felt a knife in his heart. Or a bullet in his chest. It was swimming around, hurting him everywhere, as he watched this boy who didn’t know him yet. He wanted to cry with him. “You know, it gets better. You meet your first love when you get to high school. Tsukishima becomes your first friend, even though you like to say otherwise. And when you go to Tokyo to attend a university, you meet me and my roommate. You help me get over an unrequited love. And I really like you. So it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

“Really?”

Hinata bent down and embraced the young Kageyama tightly. “Really. I’ll love you, Kageyama, so that you’ll love yourself more. Alright? But that doesn't mean I'll let you beat me in a race.”

Kageyama tugged onto his shirt and cried harder. “Alright.”

Hinata jerked awake. He realized that he was still in his room, and that his hips were sore.  He was mad at Kageyama for that. But nonetheless, he couldn’t sleep, because that person was probably in more pain than himself. He looked at his alarm clock. It was a few minutes past midnight. He decided to put on some clothes and head out for a walk along the road. It wasn’t long until Kageyama appeared behind him and called out to him. “Hinata!”

He turned around and saw Kageyama with his jacket zipped up to his chin. “Why are you up? And what’s with your jacket?”

“I just woke up. And _someone_ is wearing my shirt.”

Hinata looked down at himself. “Well . . . it was dark, and right next to me.”

“I don’t mind. Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“How should I know?”

As they walked, their feet kicked the pebbles and rocks on the road. The moon was only halfway visible. Only a few lamps lighted their path.

There was something Hinata had to know about Kageyama. He said, “Hey. Do you remember all that stuff we used to argue about? Has your opinion changed?”

“Why are you asking me that out of the blue?”

“Just answer me.”

Kageyama clicked his teeth. “I guess so. I’m dating you, right? Before, I wouldn’t have even considered it.”

They reached a bench and sat down. What Hinata truly wanted to tell him were the words he said to him in his dream, but the words couldn’t come out. All he could do was show him that he cared, and was there, and wasn’t going to leave. As the chilly air breezed by, Kageyama offered him his jacket, but he refused it. “You’re not even wearing a shirt, so don't give me your jacket!”

Sooner or later, though, Hinata drifted off to sleep on Kageyama’s shoulder. He took this opportunity to take off his jacket and cover the both of them with it. He liked it when he could feel Hinata's bare skin brush against his. It melted his once frozen heart. He liked it when Hinata was close.


	14. I Want to Hear You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pretty successful first attempt at sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per a request, I have written some smut in this side chapter (think of it as chapter 13.5).  
> But feel free to ignore/skip this chapter because it has nothing to do with the actual story.  
> Bless your soul if you are able to read this without cringing.

Kageyama was contemplating, staring at the pale-pink skin that lay before him. He knew what he _wanted_ to do, but he was still unsure if he could—or _should_ —do it. Somehow, he felt like he was going to dirty, or hurt, Hinata’s body with his hands. But he didn’t realize that while he was in a battle with himself, Hinata was waiting for something to happen. He said, “Are we going to do this or not? I already said goodbye to my virginity, so like . . .”

“But, like, what if I screw this up?”

“Well, I have nothing to compare this to. . .” Hinata grabbed Kageyama’s hand and bit down on it, hard. “I told you, I like your hands. So I want these hands to touch me. Everywhere.”

Those words set Kageyama’s heart aflame. So he continued, despite the pain in his hand. They started kissing again, in between each a soft, breathy moan and their tongues overlapping. Kageyama used his tongue to maneuver over his chest, sucking one of his nipples as he released a few light shudders. Kageyama gently tweaked his other one, because it was just _asking_ to be touched. He spread his hands out on Hinata’s body, moving lower towards his hips, sucking and leaving marks discreetly. He looked up and saw Hinata red up to his ears, covering his mouth with his hand.

“What are you doing?” Kageyama asked him.

“I don’t want to be loud. It’s embarrassing.”

“It means that you’re enjoying this, though?”

“Still—”

As some sort of punishment for this, as well as payback for before, Kageyama bit down on his thigh. “I want to hear you, Hinata. I don’t care how loud you are. Don’t ever cover your mouth again.”

Hinata removed his hand and stared at Kageyama in awe—shock, maybe—because all of a sudden his boyfriend became more authoritative and less lenient. Maybe it was because of the way his hair drooped over his eyes or the way he looked shirtless. It was something new, and it wasn’t bad; it was actually attractive.

Kageyama motioned lower and pulled down Hinata’s underwear, revealing his erection. He wrapped his hand around it, massaging it, and as a result Hinata’s hips bend upward temporarily and his throat managed a loud, “Hnn.” With a ragged breath Kageyama licked the top, knowing only slightly how to work around it because he had done it only once before. He let his saliva slide down and cover it as he used his whole mouth and worked up and down instantaneously.

Again he licked the underside of Hinata’s cock, starting from the bottom up. He looked up at the ginger boy to see if he was okay, because this was his first time. Evidently, he was nearly in tears, and Kageyama drew back almost immediately. “Wha—are you okay?”

Hinata frowned, seeming confused. “Why are you stopping?” he said shakily.

“You’re crying.”

“That isn’t because it’s _bad._ It’s the opposite. Can you please just . . .” _Finish what you started._ Hinata fell silent because he was close to releasing himself. It wasn’t going to take much for him to come.

And he did, with only one more stroke from Kageyama. The white liquid was now on Kageyama’s face, and instead of him freaking out, he smirked. “Well, that was easy.” He perched Hinata’s hips upwards as he entered him carefully. Hinata, with wide eyes, whimpered and breathed hotly, “Holy—”

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence because Kageyama thrust into him. He felt Hinata’s legs wrap around him as he did, pulling himself closer. He rode Hinata with unnerving ferocity—and gentleness, oddly enough. Hinata’s hips rose and settled as Kageyama thrusted, and he held onto his pitiable sheets.

Kageyama felt his beating pulse, and his shudders from pleasure. He heard his desperate moans for more.

As he separated from him, he exhaled and subtly laughed without actually smiling. He said, “Was that okay?”

With wide eyes and a heated face, Hinata stared at him. He wasn’t sure what this expression meant, so he stayed silent awaiting an answer. Finally, Hinata said, “That . . . was great. It hurt a little, but still.”

Kageyama leaned forward. “So . . . we can do it again?”

Hinata covered himself with his sheets and stared at Kageyama in shock. “Now? Are you a beast?!”

He squeezed Hinata's nose. “No, not now! Seriously, Hinata . . ."


	15. Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter! Somehow, it's my favorite one. I never wanted this story to be too serious, so I decided to end it on a light note. Thank you to all who endured and read this messy fic to the end.  
> Enjoy the finale!

He’d realized it the first time, too, that Hinata wearing his shirts was suddenly unfathomably attractive. That’s why when he woke up one morning and saw him standing by the stove, he immediately pulled out his phone and took a discreet photo. Last time, when they were over at Hinata’s house, the latter wore his gray V-neck. This time, he wore an Aerosmith T-shirt that he’d recently bought (he started liking them after discovering Hinata did). And since Hinata was much smaller than Kageyama, his shirts seemed oversized while on him.

Hinata himself was aware of all this, even though he pretended not to know. He was aware, and thought it was one of the cuter things about Kageyama, so he played along. He even went as far as to wear his shirts without anything underneath. Not even underwear.

“What are you making?” Kageyama asked him.

“Rice porridge.”

“Is that all you know how to make? Lame. I can make a lot more dishes.”

Hinata began stirring like a madman. Kageyama knew which buttons to push and how to push them. “Quality over quantity!”

But Hinata knew how to push his buttons as well.  “Huh? Are you saying your rice porridge is better than mine?”

He smirked. “I don’t know, maybe.”

Right when they were about to get into a cooking competition, Tsukishima quickly and furiously rushed in the room. He slammed the door behind him and crashed on his bed. Out of embarrassment, Hinata pulled down the shirt he was wearing. Kageyama approached Tsukishima. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

“None of your damn business,” his blonde roommate replied sourly.

This only irked Kageyama. “Says the guy who always forces me to talk whenever I look like shit.”

Tsukishima scoffed. He knew he was right. “Tetsu and I had a fight.”

Kageyama realized he’d been disillusioned; he thought that couples who’ve been together for years would never fight, but it seemed that they did. He sat down on Tsukishima’s bed next to him, and Hinata followed. “About what?”

“Moving in together after college.”

“Heh. Let me guess, you said no because it would be too noisy or something?”

The blonde clapped his hands together and smiled sarcastically at him. “You know me _so_ well, Kageyama. Congratulations.”

“Well, thanks.” Hinata jabbed him in his ribcage as soon as he said that. “I mean,” he corrected his words, “why don’t you just move in with him? What’s holding you back?”

“It’s just uncomfortable. I would feel so confined. I can barely keep it together with you.”

“Uncomfortable? Confined? The hell? I’ve always thought that you were _most_ comfortable with him, Tsukishima,” Kageyama said.

“It’s just, living together makes it official. And real. And anything can happen.”

“And three—no, four years of being together isn’t official to you?” he snapped.

Tsukishima sat up and glared at his roommate. They exchanged intense stares until Hinata broke them up. “Kageyama, stop. I think I know what Tsukishima is trying to say.” He looked up at him. “Isn’t it that if you move in together, you’re worried something as a result of that is going to ruin your relationship? That’s how I see it.”

Judging from his lack of a response, Hinata and Kageyama figured that this was the truth, and Kageyama grabbed Tsukishima’s arm to pull him out of his bed accordingly. He said, “Right now, do you love him?” He remembered asking this question to him before, but he never heard a direct answer.

“. . . I do,” Tsukishima answered.

“So tell him that. Tell him how you feel. Because if you don’t fix this, there won’t be a relationship _to_ ruin.”

He started walking but stopped in front of the door. “I hate this. Being lectured by you, of all people.”

“Now you know how it feels after all those times you told me off. Just go already. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Tsukishima left the room without another word. He ran to Kuroo’s room. It was unlocked, so he let himself in. As he stepped inside, he heard the words Kuroo was saying to Bokuto: “Should we just break up?” Having heard a noise, the two looked up at Tsukishima. They had _“SHIT”_ written on their faces.

As if right on time, Hinata and Kageyama appeared at the scene as interlopers, since the former was curious. But as soon as they showed up, Tsukishima pushed past them and ran off. Kuroo jumped up and stumbled after him. “Kei!” he shouted.

Back at the scene, Hinata asked, “What happened?”

Bokuto answered sullenly, “I was giving Tetsurou advice, but it somehow led him to rethink their relationship.”

Kageyama looked down at Hinata and whispered, “See? I knew we shouldn’t have come.”

Hinata sighed. He said, “Bokuto-san, do you have cards?”

“Cards? Yeah. Why?”

“We can play while we wait for them to return.”

 

Tsukishima had an inclination for assuming the worst out of the situations he faced. This time was no exception, although on a normal day he would have probably stayed standing there until Kuroo explained himself. But this day in February was their four-year anniversary, so he was more vulnerable than usual. The beginning of the day was fine. He woke up and went over to Kuroo’s and woke him up and they listened to music. Then they kissed a lot so as to compensate for the fact that they couldn’t have sex while Bokuto was in the room sleeping. Kuroo had even gotten tickets to a concert with one of Tsukishima’s favorite bands, and they planned to leave in the evening.

Everything was fine until Kuroo asked a daring question:

“So, wanna live together?”

Tsukishima’s glasses almost fell off his face. “What?”

Kuroo asked again, “Do you want to live together?”

“Um, where is this coming from?”

“Well, we’ve been dating for what, four years now? Plus, I’m going to get my diploma next year and I’ve been saving up for a place. So when that time comes, why don’t you move in too?”

All of a sudden, he was confronted with an enigma that he couldn’t solve. It was called “his feelings.” He wasn’t sure what he wanted, but he knew what he didn’t want. He selfishly didn’t want to lose Kuroo, but he also didn’t really want them to live together. “N-no. I don’t want to. I’m sorry.”

Kuroo laughed a dry laugh, frowning, as if the simple words tore his insides out. “What? What are you saying?”

“I don’t want to say it again,” Tsukishima said, because he didn’t want to see the expression on Kuroo’s face get worse.

“You’re being weird. Which is a normal thing for you, but still. I don’t understand. Don’t you remember how we practically stayed over at each other’s houses all the time in high school?”

“I do.” He did. But they were still children back then. They hardly had anything to worry about.

Their conversation went on like this for another ten minutes, until the two of them grew louder and louder with each reply. Then Kuroo told Tsukishima to leave. Very loudly. For the first time ever.

Currently, Tsukishima stopped running. His reminiscence only made him more upset at himself. That was when he heard Kuroo’s voice from behind:

“Kei!”

He didn’t turn around at first. All he did was say, “I’m sorry.” Kuroo was really the only person whom he could apologize to sincerely.

“It’s fine. Just turn around. I want to see your face.” So he turned around slowly. His brows were furrowed and his cheeks were reddened. Kuroo continued, “ _I’m_ sorry. I was being too forward. There’s still a year left to decide.”

“. . . Enough about that. Why would you say ‘should we just break up’? Why would you say that? Is that how you really feel? Are you frustrated with me?” Every once in a while, when his emotions were a hurricane, he would ask a bunch of questions as his arms and legs would shake. And he would say how he really feels.

Kuroo stepped closer and took his hands. He held them up to his face and kissed them. “Of course not. I just thought _you_ were frustrated with _me._ But I was being stupid. It’s been four years. I’m pretty sure that we can do another four. Or eight, or twelve, or sixteen . . . You get it. My point is, I don’t think I can ever stop loving you. No matter what you decide.”

Tsukishima was so happy in that moment he almost wanted to smile. But he knew that if he did, Kuroo would never let it go. “We can do it. Let’s live together. I don’t . . . want you to drift away.”

Kuroo held up the concert tickets. “Are we still on for this?”

“Of course.”

When they returned to the room, they found Hinata, Kageyama and Bokuto asleep with their limbs tangled together. There were scattered playing cards across the floor. The two standing above the snoring trio exchanged glances of irritation. They had a good sense of what happened.

* * *

For spring break, Hinata and Kageyama visited the Hinata household. Natsu’s hair had been growing exponentially now, so it was becoming a hassle to take care of. As soon as she said she wanted to get it cut, Hinata took the job. He took a nice pair of scissors, sat his sister down and wrapped a towel over her neck. He began to cut her hair, as if he were her stylist. When he finished, her hair was shoulder length and almost doll-like. “Shou-nii, you’re the best!” Natsu exclaimed. “I have a newfound respect for you now.”

Kageyama writhed in the corner. If Hinata had any other boyfriend, he would agree and tell him he should become a hair stylist. But since it was Kageyama and not another guy, he felt somewhat jealous and lacking instead. For them, most things were a competition. So he said, taking the scissors, “Oi. Hinata. Let me cut your hair.”

“Okay.” To Hinata, Kageyama, for a split-second, appeared as a menacing person with intentions other than just cutting hair. But he couldn’t refuse, because he secretly wanted him to touch his hair. His hands on his head felt comforting. So he sat patiently as Kageyama clumsily began to trim his neck-length hair. It grew inches since the first time they met. Eight months have passed since that autumn night—when Kageyama suddenly clashed with a heartbroken Hinata. They went from bickering and competing with each other to kissing and competing with each other.

When Kageyama was finished, he figured he might as well cut hair for a living as well. Hinata sparkled with his new hair.

“This is really good! I don’t know if you’re better than me, but still! Did you somehow make it bouncier?” he said.

“No,” Kageyama replied, “That’s all you.”

* * *

On Hinata’s twentieth birthday, he declared he was going out to drink with Yamaguchi and Kenma. He’d been anticipating this for weeks. Kageyama was aware of this, so he’d been antsy and curious as to what drunk Hinata would be like, but he couldn’t join himself because he had to work. While his shift was ending, he felt his face muscles relax and his lips form a small smile as he heard his phone ringing with “Hinata Boke” at the bottom. He answered the call with a short, “Hey.”

From the other end came out a lot of noise and laughter and a ginger boy’s voice, _“Heeeyy, Tobio!”_

Kageyama stopped. He wasn’t sure he heard correctly, but if he did, then Hinata had just called him by his first name. “Hey,” he said again. “What are you doing?”

_“Nothing much. Kenma says I’m wasted, but, like, what does that even mean? I’m not a waste. Oh, and sake is reaaallly good.”_

“Wasted means drunk. You’re extremely drunk, Hinata.”

 _“No! I’m not drunk!”_ Hinata hiccupped, and continued, _“Tadashi, am I drunk?”_ Kageyama heard him reply with a muffled “yes.” The drunk ginger returned to his conversation with him. _“Tobio, did you know? That I love you. You’re slow, so you probably didn’t know that.”_

“I know, you idiot.” Now Kageyama felt he was sick, because the words Hinata spoke weren’t irritating him; they were lifting the load on his heart and giving his stomach butterflies instead.

_“Are we going to have birthday sex?”_

His initial impulse was to reject him loudly, out of embarrassment, but he gave it another thought. “Well, it’s your birthday, so . . .”

Hinata shouted, _“OI! GIVE US SOME SHOTS!”_ Kageyama was suddenly talking to Kenma. _“You should get here fast. Shouyou is going crazy. We’re at the bar two blocks away from the university,”_ he said. Then the call was cut off.

Kageyama finished his work quickly and ran out. When he arrived, he saw him parading around the bar and pouring drinks for everyone. He even hugged some people. Kageyama marched up to him and grabbed his arm. “Oooh! Look who it is, it’s Tobio! Everyone, this guy here is my boyfriend!”

“We’re heading back. Let’s go.” Kageyama, on a usual day, would become angry at this sort of thing, but today all he could do was laugh inside. This was another reason he thought he was sick. This drunk person here was the same person who was always there for him and put up with him. The person who ran really fast and argued with him and did silly things. This person here was faulty and imperfect, but he was bright and he was loved.

He nodded to Kenma and Yamaguchi as he left with the wobbly Hinata. As the latter started to fall, Kageyama lifted him up and said, “Just get on my back.” And so he gave him a piggy back ride to the dorms.

Somewhere along the way, the situation started getting to Hinata. He became aware of Kageyama’s smell. The fruity smell of his hair made him wonder what kind of shampoo he used. In front of his eyes was Kageyama’s bare skin, with tiny hairs sticking up, and the backline of his dark hair. The bare nape of his neck was somehow alluring, and it gave him the urge to lick it. As he did, Kageyama shook. Since he didn’t say anything to reject him, he continued. It may have been the mood, it may have been the alcohol, but he couldn’t stop himself now. He licked the back of his neck in circles, and then he sucked on his pale skin with his entire mouth.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kageyama finally said.

Hinata responded with a quiet “mmm,” because he was still pretty drunk and couldn’t collect his words properly. He moved down towards the bend in his neck as he sucked it and kissed him and bit him as if he were hungry. Again, Kageyama spoke, but this time his words were slow and breathy, “If you keep doing that I’m going to drop you.”

It wasn’t as threatening as it sounded, because what Hinata was doing was making him weak and if he became weak, then he definitely could not continue to carry a grown, twenty-year old guy. Even if his appearance was lacking any sort of indication of this, and he was still pretty short, he was heavy. But Kageyama didn’t say that aloud.

Since he was turned down, Hinata decided to direct his attention to the night sky. He saw an infinite blanket of dark blue, with a full, bright circle that was miles and miles away. He realized that the only things that made the dark of the night visible were the lights. But those lights also drove the stars away. “Tobio,” he said, “sometimes I want to see the stars.”

Kageyama frowned at first, then nodded. “Then, one of these days, I’ll take you to the sky.” He stopped as soon as he said it because he realized he made no sense.

Hinata snorted. “Weirdo! We could just go to the suburbs to see stars.”

“I-I know! I’m not stupid.” Kageyama, in his mind, saw this moment as an opportunity to say it. To say, “Shouyou.” It sounded naturally awkward coming from his mouth, but he didn’t mind the way it felt, because it was _his_ name.

Hinata’s voice cracked as he said, “W-what?” He tried to hide his pounding heart as his name was said. It felt strange and different, but he liked it, because it was _him_ who said it.

Kageyama exhaled, “Happy birthday.”

 

When they got back on campus, Kageyama sat an unconscious Hinata down on the grass as he waited for him to wake up. He didn’t take him to his room because Tsukishima was going to be there and he wanted them to be alone. When Hinata awoke, he began mumbling about how much he hated alcohol and hangovers and noise and the human race. To lighten the mood, Kageyama rummaged through his bag and took out a black book. He handed it to him with the words, “I remember you have a lot of sketchbooks in your room . . .”

Hinata, with wide eyes, accepted the book and flipped through the blank pages. “A sketchbook, huh . . . I really didn’t think you were going to get me anything. Thank you.”

“Why did you think I wasn’t going to give you a present?”

“Well, because you’ve given me a lot already. All I gave you was that keychain and more trouble.”

Kageyama stifled a laugh. “You can’t seriously think that. How dumb are you?”

“Wha—I’m being serious!”

“Yeah, so am I. I don’t know, maybe I like the trouble you give me. And maybe that keychain is precious to me. Besides, what did _I_ give _you_?”

Hinata began to act like this was a question he’d been preparing himself for and was excited to answer. “Well, you helped me get over Kenma. And you became someone who I could run with in the mornings, then you gave me that record. And you give me . . . pleasure in bed.”

“Exactly,” Kageyama replied, “It’s the same for me. You’ve given me memories that I never want to forget. Like when we went to the arcade, the bridge on my birthday, and when we played volleyball in the gym, when we fell during that ski trip, and when I was . . . _not_ sick, when we did it for the first time . . . all of these are things you’ve given me. Dumbass.”

And then, for the first time, Hinata realized how much Kageyama loved him. The man himself was just too stubborn to say it. But the feeling of realizing this hit him like a tidal wave crashing onto a shore of sand. And all of a sudden he felt a pebble in his throat as water rushed from his eyes. “That ‘dumbass’ at the end . . . was really unnecessary . . .” he said, trying to wipe his tears as soon as they came down.

Kageyama was troubled because he didn’t know why he was crying, so he just sat there and began to gently pat Hinata on his head. “I can’t help but say it sometimes. Because it’s like you don’t understand how much I love you.”

If his goal was to stop Hinata’s gross sobbing, then he succeeded. However it wasn’t his goal; the words just came out. After realizing what he said, his face flushed with pink. Hinata went pink up to his ears. “You didn’t just say what I think you said, did you?”

Kageyama scoffed, “What’s the big deal? You already knew that, didn’t you?”

Hinata wiped his eyes. “Yeah. Kind of. You saying it is just really weird, because when we first met you were all like ‘I’m Kageyama. I hate romance and love and people, blah blah blah’.”

He was right. But now Kageyama knew that he only felt like that because he didn’t feel like anyone loved him. Though they did. He was surrounded by people who cared (though they probably wouldn’t say it). He was able to love someone again. That was enough for him to appreciate even himself. Even the parents who—more or less—raised him. “Well. And now?”

“And now you’re Tobio. My boyfriend.” Hinata looked down at the sketchbook and opened it. He took a pencil from Kageyama’s bag. “Hey, let me sketch you.”

“What?”

“I want to draw you. Come on. My birthday is almost over. Pleeaase?”

Kageyama groaned, “Fine.”

“I want to draw you smiling, so I’m going to use my phone to take a picture of you.”

“. . . Fine. Then do something that will make me smile.”

Hinata made a slurping sound as he licked his lips and blew a kiss at him. But instead of smiling, Kageyama frowned and narrowed his eyes, lost. “Just smile already!” Hinata exclaimed, giving up.

Kageyama tried, and he thought that it wouldn’t work because he was trying; he certainly wasn’t photogenic. But as Hinata took the picture, he saw that his narrow-eyed smile was a lot better than he thought it would be, so much so that it had the ability to turn him on a little bit. “Oh,” he motioned forward, looking at the picture, “wow.”

“What?”

“I think you got me hard.”

“Seriously? How?”

“Your smile?”

“What the fuck?”

“Yeah, I think the alcohol made me weak.” Hinata sighed; he was in a predicament. “I don’t think I can draw now.”

Kageyama took his phone out and stood up. He held out his hand. “I know what will distract you.”

Hinata took his hand as he pressed a button on his phone. Music started to play, and he set his phone down against his bag. The song was immediately familiar to Hinata. “This is the Aerosmith song. The one on my record . . .”

“Dance . . . with me,” Kageyama said with red ears.

“Dance? Two guys?”

“If you don’t want to, then—”

“No, I want to.”

So they stood closer together; Kageyama placed his hand on Hinata’s shoulder as the latter placed his hand over his waist. They held their other two hands together. “Do you even know what to do?” Hinata asked him.

“Not really.”

Improvisation served in their favor that night. They moved to the pace of the song, more or less, as their grips on each other tightened with each passing minute. Hinata could feel Kageyama’s breathing on his forehead and the sweatiness of his palms. The two of them could feel each other’s heartbeats—which were really their own heartbeats—as their bodies drew closer and closer together until their proximity was zero. Hinata rested his head on Kageyama’s shoulder as they danced.

“This isn’t helping,” he laughed, “Instead I’m getting worse.”

“Yeah,” Kageyama replied, “This was a bad idea.”

“No, not really. I like being close to you.”

“Oh?”

“And now we can have my _birthday present_.”

Kageyama new exactly what he meant by this. As if the fact that he said this wasn’t dangerous enough, the fact that he understood was also pretty scary. Semi-reluctantly, he took his stuff, and Hinata, and they went to his room. Sure enough, Tsukishima was there reading a book. Kageyama went up to him and said, “I’m kicking you out. Go to Kuroo’s or something.”

Tsukishima frowned up at him, almost about to snap, but he glanced at the red-faced Hinata and sighed. “I can’t believe this.” He knew that Kageyama was turning the tables on him; doing to him what he did months ago. It was what he did that caused Kageyama to meet Hinata in the first place, so he was a little offended. Nonetheless, he laughed, “Have fun. Don’t break the bed.”

As soon as they were alone, they swiftly removed their shirts in a chaotic combination of kissing and unsteady breathing that said something along the lines of: “I want you. Now.” Kageyama glanced over at the time. It was five minutes after midnight. “Um. Shouyou? It’s not your birthday anymore.”

Hinata, flat on the bed, seemed almost irritated at what he said. He pointed at his erection. “Are you stupid? Does that matter at this point?”

“No, actually. It doesn’t.” Kageyama leaned forward and settled on top of Hinata as they kissed, with wide open mouths and wet tongues. With each breath they consumed the each other just a bit. Their mouths separated and left behind a hanging bridge of saliva. Kageyama leaned over and laid wet kisses over Hinata’s neck.

Hinata was reminded of being carried by him and how he did this to _his_ neck, and how he had to have left some marks. He hardly even remembered why he started doing that, though in his eyes, Kageyama Tobio was extremely winsome. But he was going to keep that all to himself.

As for Kageyama, he was clueless of the marks Hinata left on him. He would soon find them in the morning, and he will want to shout at him but he won't, because it was _Shouyou_. And—though he would rather die before admitting this—Shouyou had become his world.


End file.
